Go home, Natsuki
by Blue Lone Wolf
Summary: Some say the feeling of unrequited love is equivalent to excruciating pain. Natsuki Kuga knows this all too well. What happens when Natsuki falls deeply in love with an unaware Shizuru?
1. The 1st stage: Craving attention

_Sorry, this fic is not beta-ed. My email is playing up and I'm unable to send Lahren an email. D:  
This fic is somewhat a spur of the moment kinda thing... _

_Hope you guys are able to enjoy.  
Please do read the notes at the bottom of the page.  
They are kind of important._

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki  
**

_How it started..._

They all look at her and wonder 'Why the hell does she get into trouble all the time?' It's simple. Shizuru Fujino is the answer.  
No one would ever guess the School Council President, Shizuru Fujino was the person who unknowingly led Natsuki to turn into such a rebel.

'_She just wanted a little attention...'_

'_What happened?'_

Back then the young blue haired teenager, was an average student. She maintained average grades with an average attendance record.

She was unsociable, with only had a handful of friends. But that didn't mean she wasn't a good-natured individual.

She was an orphan. A lonely orphan. Living in a foster home, with other children like herself. However, she couldn't relate to a single one of them.  
All the children at the foster home were abandoned by their parents, one way or another.  
Sure, she had no parents like the other children. But what made her stand out was the fact that her parents didn't choose to leave her. They were ripped away from her.

They were murdered.

And she saw it all happen before her emerald eyes.

She was old enough to realise they were murdered.  
But still too young to turn hateful.

Through the years, as she grew older she felt anger towards the ones who murdered her parents.  
But it was never enough for her to want to seek revenge. She just wasn't that kind of person. Either that was the reason, or she still hadn't fully understood what was taken away from her.

Natsuki was 16 when she first set her eyes on Shizuru. She didn't realise she was holding in her breath until her head started to feel dizzy.

Shizuru stood up in front of the rest of the school. She wore a gentle smile. The school erupted into a loud cheer. _Oh... so that's The Shizuru Fujino. _Natsuki heard that name many times, she just wasn't aware who it belonged to.

"Ara, I don't know where to begin. Thank you all so much for choosing me to be the school council president, I am in debt to you all. I will repay you all by doing everything in my power to make to Fuuka High School more pleasant than it already is."

Her few words were enough to make the audience of students, start chanting her name.

Natsuki blinked. She felt tingles run down her body, right down to her finger tips.  
_She's so... pretty._

--

Day by day Shizuru Fujino turned more and more popular. She had already gained a small group of fan girls who followed her everywhere.

Everyone wanted Shizuru's attention.  
But there was only one individual who hid her yearn for Shizuru's attention, that was Natsuki Kuga.

Natsuki would secretly admire Shizuru from a distance.

Natsuki was the kind of person who would notice small details.

She would notice the slight flicker of irritation that would pass Shizuru's crimson eyes whenever the group of fan girls would follow her to the ladies room.  
She would notice the tiny hint shyness pass through Shizuru's features when a boy would openly flirt with her.  
She would notice the sadness in Shizuru's voice when she would smile broadly at her friends and tell them all she was doing fine.

No one truly knew who Shizuru Fujino was.  
Yes, they all had her personal details down... but did they know there was more to her than meets the eye?

Natsuki realised she was just like the rest of the school, what she knew and observed from Shizuru was only just the tip of the ice burg.

She wanted to learn more about her.

But it wasn't just that she wanted. She wanted more.

She wanted Shizuru Fujino to notice her.

--

"What are you doing Natsuki? Put that down! Stop that right now!" Mai shouted at the top of her lungs.

"No. Don't give me that shit, Mai. They've gone and turned this place into a jail! I won't take this anymore." Natsuki held up the brick in her hand and growled under her breath. What she had just told Mai, was not the real reason she was angry. In fact, the new rules the school council had just reinforced didn't bother her the slightest bit. Instead, something else had her pissed off.

Reito Kanzaki.

The handsome gentleman was actually innocent. He had not done anything deliberately to annoy Natsuki. Natsuki was just annoyed. Somehow she ha come to displace her anger on Reito Kanzaki, school council vice-president and Shizuru's best friend.

_Earlier that day..._

Natsuki had been walking down the school corridors with her hands fisted by her sides. She was angry for no apparent reason.  
She wanted to blow off some steam.

At the far end of the corridor, two girls turned in and strode down the corridor - towards Natsuki.  
Natsuki stopped breathing, it was the school council president and friend making their way past her.

Natsuki forced her eyes down to the floor. Footsteps drew closer to her. She couldn't help herself when she suddenly received the urge to look up at Shizuru.  
She was mildly alarmed when suddenly Shizuru looked back at her with a warm smile. Natsuki didn't know how to respond. Should she smile back? Give a small nod? Say hi?

Before she could even blink Shizuru opened her mouth, and a name spilled out from her soft pink lips. "Reito!"

Natsuki frowned.

She felt disappointment. Her disappointment soon turned into fury. And before she knew it, she was outside school council meeting room with a brick in her hands.  
It was after-school hours. And standing behind her was a very worried Mai.

"Look, we can send them a letter or something. There is no need to send a brick flying into their boardroom." Reasoned Mai. "What if Haruka-san is in there? Or Yukino? It'll be really dangerous. They can get hurt" Mai continued to persuade Natsuki out of doing it.

Natsuki swung her arm and let go of the brick. The brick went hurtling through the window. The crash was louder than a gunshot.

Mai screamed. Grabbing Natsuki's arm, she guided the two of them away from the scene of crime, running for their lives.

Natsuki laughed to herself. She never felt so alive.

--

2 weeks later.

Natsuki dropped her head down to her desk. Her pencil rolled off from her desk and onto the floor. She had lost the will to lean down and pick up her missing pencil. It had been two weeks and so far no one had caught her for the crime she committed. She thought she escaped punishment...

The teacher lecturing the class abruptly stopped talking and faced the door. Standing at the door was Yukino - The school council's treasurer.

"S-sensei. Sorry to disturb your lesson, I'm here to escort Natsuki Kuga to the school council boardroom."

Natsuki sat up straight immediately. Mai twisted round in her chair and gave Natsuki a worried look. "Natsuki Kuga?" The teacher called out.

"Yes, I'm here." Replied Natsuki, gathering up her belongings.

"Come with me. Bring your bag and coat with you please." Said Yukino, straightening out her glasses.

Natsuki hesitantly followed Yukino to the boardroom. "I'm guessing you know what this is about Kuga-san?"

Natsuki dropped her eyes down to the floor and nodded. Yukino tapped on the boardroom door, "Good luck Kuga-san."

Natsuki watched Yukino walk away, turning back to her task ahead, Natsuki took a bold step forward into the room.

Shockingly, the person only in the room was a single female sitting behind a desk pilled with small stacks of paper. Natsuki felt something huge swell up in her throat. She gulped and proceeded to walk into the room.

Shizuru was the one seated behind the desk.

"Uhh." Started Natsuki, unsure of what to say.

"Kuga, Natsuki is it?" Shizuru's rich accented voice filled the room.

"Y-eah" Natsuki fidgeted.

"Take a seat Kuga-san." Shizuru gestured towards the chair placed directly in front of her.

--

Natsuki's cheeks turned pink with embarrassment as Shizuru inspected her.

"You don't look like a rebel." Said Shizuru, mildly amused.

Natsuki scoffed. "And what's rebel meant to look like?" She raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms across her chest in a defensive manner.

"Ara... well, firstly I wasn't expecting a girl." Shizuru placed her elbow on the desk and sunk her chin down on the palm of her chin.  
She watched Natsuki with mild interest.

"Yeah - well - whatever." Replied Natsuki in annoyance. Natsuki felt a tinge of anger swirl around at the base of her stomach. She couldn't explain where this feeling was coming from.

"Kuga-san, I'm here with you today because the school will not tolerate bad behaviour like that. And it is my job to allocate a punishment for you."

"What have you got for me?"

"We've asked the cleaners to stop cleaning the boardroom for us. We've decided that everyday after school until the end of this month, you can clean this room."

Shizuru's voice was cold. Natsuki's heart sank down to the pit of her stomach. "Yeah, ok."

"Now, if you do anything like this again. I'm going to have to arrange another meeting like this and I'll make sure the punishment is more severe. Do you understand Kuga-san?"

Natsuki bowed her head in sad defeat. "Yeah." Her insides turned cold with rejection.

"That will be all. You can return back to class now."

Natsuki silently stood up and made her way out of the room. Before she shut the door behind her, Shizuru called out to her. "Oh, I've just remember now. Tell me, Kuga-san, why did you do it?"

Natsuki sighed. With one last look at Shizuru, she reached for the door handle and closed it, ignoring Shizuru's last question.

_Because it's the only way you'll notice me… _

To be continued...

* * *

_A/N: Ah, a story where Natsuki doesn't get the girl of her dreams._

_  
Just like most lesbians. (At first)  
Which means, after being crushed over and over (to the point where you want give up on life)- "eventually you'll walk into someone who you'll fall head over heels for.  
And guess what - they'll feel exactly the same way about you." - my most dearest friend. (Had to quote her...) _

_Speasking of her - my closest friend, she has left. And will never return.  
Even though I have my girlfriend and friends still with me... I cannot help but feel like I've been abandoned._

_You see, she is the one who carved me into the person I am today. She helped me out when I came out of the closet. Taught me that I'll never be happy until I'm out. (Which is true. In my case.) She took me in when my mother kicked me out of my so-called home... She made life so much more easier..._

Oh, I miss her so much.

_All my stories will probably not be updated any time soon in the future. (Unless this is just a short-term thing)  
I've lost the will to write._

_Take care readers.  
I wish you all the best of luck with your lives.  
Until next time - farewell._


	2. The 2nd stage: Realization

Thank you everyone. Very much. (For various reasons.)  
Just to make some things clear, this fic is AU. So it has nothing to do with the series.

Not beta'd. Gah. Stupid email account doesn't let me send emails.  
Meh. A technician guy should be coming around soon to rescue my laptop.

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki**

_I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet._

Day by day Natsuki found herself taking detours on her way to classes.

_Why? _

The answer was simple. Shizuru.  
She would wander around the school just to catch a glimpse of the girl who made her heart beat crazily.

During her after-school-hours duties, cleaning the boardroom she'd hope that maybe one day, she'll walk into the room one day after school and find Shizuru sitting behind her desk elegantly, waiting for her.

_Sigh._

Natsuki was daydreaming of Shizuru. _Again._

With everything back in its normal state, Natsuki's job for the night was completed. Entirely exhausted, she plopped down onto a chair and rested her forehead down on the cool surface of the table.

Although it felt like a whole hour had passed, the night was still young. It was a Friday night, and the school was most definitely deserted apart from the odd cleaner or two.

Natsuki closed her eyes and let her mind relax. She felt sick. Not physically. Emotionally. There was something at the back of her head that was making her feel anxious. And she just couldn't put her finger on it. **(1)**

Sighing heavily, Natsuki stood up. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she walked to the door. As she reached out for the door handle, the handle on its own started to twist. Natsuki took a hesitant step backwards. The door slowly creaked open, Natsuki watched curiously.

Soon a very beautiful brunette came into her view. Natsuki felt bliss.

Shizuru was clearly not expecting someone to be on the other side of the door. A small "oh" escaped her lips before she could stop it.

Natsuki dropped her eyes down the floor. She felt awkward.

"Has Kuga-san seen my paper work?" Inquired Shizuru.

"Yeah, I left it on your desk." Replied Natsuki flatly.

"Thank you."

Natsuki nodded in acknowledgement. "Sure." She replied, lifting her eyes up to Shizuru's.

Shizuru looked away before Natsuki could hold her gaze.  
There was something so intimidating about Natsuki's emerald eyes that made Shizuru break her gaze.

Natsuki caught Shizuru glance away before their eyes could meet. Her hands automatically clenched up into fists, as Shizuru turned her back on her. The blue haired teen cast Shizuru's back one last hurt look before making her way out her room.

Once she stepped out into the hallway, she marched forward.

Her footsteps grew faster.  
Her heart thumped erratically within chest.

Soon her footsteps matched the rhythm of her beating heart as she sprinted down hallways.

She didn't know where she was running. She just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

Natsuki's aching heart started to take its effect on her. Her eyes stung from trying to block tears from spilling out.  
As she picked up her pace she sprinted across the school grounds to the exit gates. The image of Shizuru dismissing her presence like she was nobody made her legs move faster.

From the boardroom windows, Shizuru watched Natsuki run like a angered wolf.

_Where are you running to... Natsuki? _

--

Natsuki gasped in alarm as she entered the boardroom and found Shizuru sitting behind her desk. "I-uh-um..." She abruptly closed her mouth when she noticed Shizuru's eyes were closed. The young school council president had gracefully fallen asleep after a short meeting with her fellow peers.

All of a sudden, Natsuki found herself in a dilemma.  
Should she wake up Shizuru? _Classes had just ended. All students were leaving to go home._  
Or leave her be? _She did look exhausted..._

Natsuki choose not to disturb Shizuru, the brunette looked like she needed some rest.

Hesitantly Natsuki took small steps closer to Shizuru, she watched the pretty crimson eyed girl sleep peacefully. There was something about that sight that made Natsuki's pulse quicken.  
She was soon standing directly in front of the school council president. Crouching down, she brought her face closer to Shizuru's and brushed brown locks of hair out Shizuru's tempting face.

Out of the blue, Shizuru snapped her eyes open. She found herself directly face-to-face with the school's biggest delinquent, Natsuki Kuga. She didn't flinch nor move away from the darker haired girl. _She's harmless..._

Natsuki jumped away, her foot tripped up over a chair as she stumbled away. "S-sorry, I-I- there was something in your hair! I didn't mean to disturb you."

Shizuru dropped her eyes down to the floor and smiled softly, "It's fine. Has Kuga-san come to carry out her cleaning duties?"

"Yeah." Replied Natsuki curiously, wondering why on earth Shizuru wasn't making a big deal.

"Ara, then I'll be out of Kuga-san's way." Shizuru picked up her belongings and gracefully walked out of the room.

Natsuki's emerald eyes followed Shizuru's body until she was out of her sight. Letting out a heavy sigh, Natsuki pulled her out a chair and sunk down into it.

_Why won't you even look at me Shizuru?  
Do I repulse you?_

--

Mai fumbled with the chop sticks in her hands, her head was temporarily in another world.

"Mai... MAI!" Yelled Natsuki, causing Mai to shatter out of her reverie.

"Y-es?"

Natsuki's eyes softened instantly, her mouth slowly grew into warm smile.

"Are you ok? You seem to be really out of it today."

Mai nodded and smiled sweetly back at Natsuki, she felt her heart thump harder as the dreaded conversation she had planned out in her head replayed back in her mind.

Out of nowhere Natsuki's cold hands reached out for her forehead, cool thin fingers pressed themselves against her forehead. All her existing thoughts instantly flew out of her mind.

"No you're not." Natsuki said, picking up Mai's belongings.

"S-sorry?" Spluttered Mai.

"You're not well Mai. Come with me, we're going to the nurse's office." Before Mai could get another word out, Natsuki coiled one of Mai's arms around her neck and half carried her to the nurse's office.

As they slowly stumbled their way to the office, Mai's condition grew worse, she could no longer hold herself up.

Natsuki grunted in discomforted as she heaved her way down the hallway. Out of nowhere Shizuru walked out of a classroom and froze in her spot when her eyes fell onto the sight of Natsuki carrying Mai. Her face wore an expression of worry, before she could offer any help Natsuki tightened her grip on Mai and rushed into the nurse's office.

Upon reaching the office, Natsuki laid Mai's fragile body down on the small bed. "Midori sensei, it's Mai again." Panted Natsuki, as she wiped the sweat off her face with the back of her wrist.

"The usual?" Replied a bespectacled woman, appearing from behind the curtain nets in her office.

"Yeah..." Natsuki cast Mai's pale face a sad smile. "She's not dealing with Takumi's condition very well. I don't think she's eaten in the past few days."

"Probably hasn't a proper night's rest either. How is little Takumi?"

"Not well Sensei. He's been out for 3 whole days, the hospital nurse's don't tell us much." Before Midori could comfort the young teen, Natsuki spun around and ran away from her sight as if the devil was on her tail.

_Stop running away Natsuki... _

--

"Did you do it?" Shizuru asked softly. **(2)**

"Yes." Replied Natsuki quietly.

"You've been excluded for 3 days. Go home, Natsuki."

Natsuki bowed her head in sad defeat as she left the boardroom.

_Take notice of me Shizuru. _

_--_

"Natsuki...?" Whispered Mai into the darkness.

"Yeah?" Replied a gruff voice.

"What happened?"

"You fainted again..."

"T-takumi?"

"I check up on him a couple of hours ago. He is still in the same condition."

"What's the time?"

"3am. Go back to sleep. Or do you need to eat something."

Mai weakly reached out a hand for Natsuki, the darker haired girl held onto Mai's hand. "Natsuki, I can't have you looking out for me all the time."

"What are you talking about?" Natsuki's voice sounded pained. "You're always there for me, it's time I did a little for you. Don't worry, I'll look after you now."

A single tear rolled down Mai's cheeks, "Thank you so much."

"That's what best friends are for. And anyways, I'm watching over you because I can't get any sleep. I'd have been asleep a while ago if I hadn't been having all these sleepless nights for the past few weeks."

Mai patted the empty space beside her, "Come, have a lie down and tell me what's bothering you."

Mai watched Natsuki crawl onto the bed and lie down, her eyes looked tired. "I've been excluded... for 3 days."

Mai gasped. "Oh Natsuki, what have you done..."

_I think... I'm falling in love... _

--

Mai wrapped her arms around Natsuki's shoulders and rested her head down on Natsuki's torso. Her eyelids grew heavy with fatigue. "Mmmph... Natsuki... You're always getting into trouble..." **(3)**

Natsuki stared up at the ceiling, she exhaled uneasily, "I want her to notice me, Mai. I don't know what's making me act like this... I-I only just want her attention."

Mai's eyes snapped open, "Who?"

Natsuki chuckled, "Go to sleep. I'm not telling you."

Mai closed her eyes, a small smile graced her lips. "I think I know who it is. But I'm still going to get her name out of you..." Slowly the orange haired girl dozed off asleep.

"Shizuru... She's the one, Mai." Natsuki peeled Mai's arms off herself and carefully extracted herself from the bed. Gathering up her belongings, Natsuki walked out of Mai's apartment into the dark cold night.

_Be gentle with me... I bruise easily.__

* * *

_

**(1) **That feeling of falling in love for the very first time. Is anyone else able to relate to it? It's not all butterflies and singing birds, it's a real sickening feeling that leaves you feeling anxious most of the time. And... you feel like throwing up just to relieve that horrible feeling. Kinda explains why people loose their appetites when they've got a bad case of "Life's a bitch, and oh I'm in love."

**(2) **I didn't specify exactly what happened here. But basically Natsuki did something again to vent her anger and frustration.

**(3) **They didn't just have sex if that's what your thinking. XDDDD They are just lying in bed, and talking about random stuff - like what best friends do.

* * *

If you have any questions just pop me a question.

Until next time, farewell.


	3. The 3rd stage: Overwhelming Depression

_Thank you everyone. This fic was updated sooner than I thought I would update it.  
Some of your reviews inspired me. So, yeah... thanks for that. _

_Just to clear something up, this fic isn't under the genre angst.  
So please, don't fret.  
However, it is under the genre general. So it'll have a little dose of everything. _

**

* * *

**

**Go home, Natsuki **

_I want no world, for beautiful, you are my world._

--

Natsuki stood in front of her mirror in nothing but a pair of navy knickers and a skin tight, white vest. She eyed herself, inspecting her appearance. She had dark silky hair, pale white skin, startling green eyes, long eyelashes and soft pink lips. She had all the features of an attractive individual.

But all she saw in herself was a plain, dull looking girl _(1). _  
This wasn't enough, she wanted Shizuru to be attracted to her. She wanted Shizuru to notice her each time she walked into a room. Just like how she would notice Shizuru.

Sighing hopelessly, Natsuki turned around and collapsed down onto her bed. She curled her body up into a tight protective ball and closed her eyes.

_She felt depressed. _

She brought her mind back to the first time she saw Shizuru - 3 months ago, when Shizuru had been elected to become the school council's president and she was giving a speech. That was the very first day Natsuki first laid her eyes on the _oh-so-beautiful _brunette. She replayed all her memories of Shizuru in her mind, over and over again until she slowly drifted off to sleep.

And even in her sleep, she dreamt of the object of her desires.

_Look after my heart, it's in your hands now. _

_--_

"Come on NATSUKI! Get up, it's snowing! Everyone is outside waiting for you." Mai pulled and pulled at the duvet covering Natsuki's body.

"No. Leave me be. I'm not feeling well." Mumbled Natsuki from underneath the bed covers.

"You've been like this all week. It's winter break Natsuki! Two whole weeks without school, you love this time of the year."

"Fuck off Mai. I'm not feeling well." Mai winced, Natsuki rarely swore at anyone.

"Look, I don't know what's making you act like this. But, I do know that if you shared your problems with me then I'd do my best to help you out." Mai whispered softly, as she laid a hand on Natsuki's duvet covered body.

"There's nothing I can do. So there's absolutely no possibility that you can do anything either." Replied Natsuki, starting to moving out from under the bed covers.

Mai smiled sadly, as Natsuki's face came into view. She looked ill, and had clearly lost a few pounds of weight. "No Natsuki, I may not be able to do anything in that aspect of your life since you won't tell me anything. But I will do anything and everything just to see you happy again."

Natsuki smiled weakly, "Fine, alright. I'll get up now. What do you want me for anyways?"

"Did you not hear me? I said it's snowing, we're all having a snow fight!" Mai stood up and off Natsuki's bed. "Have a shower, dress up warm and meet us all outside in fifteen minutes. And hurry, I've told everyone they can't start without us two!"

-

Aoi, Chie, Mikoto, Akane, Takeda, Tate and Kazuya all cheered as Natsuki stepped outside into the cold weather.

"Finally the ice-queen has crawled out of her cave!" Yelled both Tate and Takeda.

"Where the hell have you been Natsuki?" Chie said as Natsuki drew closer to her group of friends.

"I've not been feeling well." Replied Natsuki, smiling a little. She was happy to see her friends again.

All of a sudden, before she could even finish her sentence, 7 snowballs came flying at her head.

Laughter consumed all 8 of her friends.

"We couldn't help ourselves. You sure were taking your time." Said Kazuya, chuckling lightly.

"You better run for your lives now, I'm going to make you pay. Today you will all be eating snow for lunch." Natsuki said scowling, as she brushed the snow off her body before it could soak her clothes.

All of a sudden everyone sprinted away leaving Natsuki laughing on her own as she gathered up snow.

--

Natsuki took off her bag and sat down at the bench with her friends. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a sandwich. She had just returned from a lesson, on her way back she spotted Shizuru. The horrible feeling of something gnawing at her insides slowly consumed her body as she dragged her feet to the lunch bench where her friends were currently located. She considered telling Mai about her problem, but feared the consequences. What if one thing led to another, and the rest of the school found out about her feelings for Shizuru? She would no longer be the school rebel, she'd be the school's biggest joke. She would be most definitely ridiculed. She could just imagine everyone pointing and laughing at her.

All of a sudden Chie thumped her on her back. Natsuki winced, yanking her earphones out of her ear she growled, "What?"

"Oh so you ARE alive. We all greeted you but you just gave us a blank stare. What the hell is up with that? You've changed so much over the past 6 months or so..."

"Ah, sorry. It's the music I was playing on my IPod. I couldn't hear anything." Natsuki tried to smile convincingly.

"No... No... That can't be right. I mean like, you're actually different now. You seem more moody than usual, you don't talk much anymore, you hide in your bedroom all weekend, you're always causing the school council grief with all the trouble you get up to. It's like you're a new person." Said Chie, giving Natsuki a concerned look.

"Yeah, I agree with Chie. Something is troubling you..." Said Aoi, also giving Natsuki a concerned look.

"Thanks for the concern. But it's nothing. I'm just a little stressed." Replied Natsuki nonchalantly.

"About what? Why won't you tell us? We want to help you." Said Mai, joining in on the conversation.

"Well, if you really want to know it just that..." Natsuki wracked her brain trying to think up of something on the spot. "That I'll be turning 18 soon and I won't have a place at the care home anymore. I'll be homeless if I don't get a job now and save up money real soon..."

Natsuki stole a glance at her watch and sighed, "Look, I need to run to the library for a something. I might be awhile so you guys go on ahead to class without me. I'll join you later." Natsuki gathered up all her belongings and jogged away.

All her friends watched her run away, they were all speechless. "She's lying. That's not what's troubling her." Said Mai, playing with her chopsticks.

"Come to think of it... she's acting a lot like I did when I developed a crush on Aoi. But I behaved quite differently. Actually, it might not even be that... I'm probably jumping to conclusions. Ah, I really don't understand Natsuki sometimes." Chie mumbled to herself.

_Always running away.  
I'm sorry. I'm a coward. _

--

Natsuki picked up the loose papers off the floor, her most recent act of rebellion led to 3 months more of cleaning duties.

Over the last few days of cleaning the boardroom, the young teen had been left to ponder alone on her thoughts. She'd come to realize that what she had done, was probably not the best way to attract Shizuru's attention. It wasn't very logical.

But then again, it was inevitable. She couldn't avoid it. She would have done something crazy either way.

_After all, love makes you do crazy things._

Natsuki stuffed the scrap paper down the recycling bin and angrily slammed the lid shut.

Earlier that day, during her break time she caught a third year offering Shizuru a ride home. She stormed away from the scene before she could hear the brunette's response.

Just seeing others flirt with Shizuru, hurt her feelings. She had no right to feel jealous, but she couldn't help how she felt.

Natsuki picked up the broom, and lazily started to sweep away the dust covering the floor. Thinking of Shizuru made her insides felt numb. She swept the floor with a blank look on her face.

Trying to steer clear away from thinking of Shizuru, she took out her IPod and let the music clear her mind.

_I can't even think straight anymore.  
Look at what you're doing to me. _

_--_

An hour later, Natsuki returned all her cleaning supplies to the head cleaner. Along the way she walked past the deserted school gym, an idea clicked in her mind.

Skidding down the hallway, Natsuki threw the cleaning supplies back into closet and ran back to the school gym.

She shredded her jacket and bag, switched her school uniform with a pair of gym shorts and t-shirt. Slowly she made her way to desired destination - the punch bag. Wrapping her hands up with a roll of protective bandages, she got into a defensive stance. Hesitantly, she took a jab at the punchbag. She laughed heartily when the bag didn't even move the slightest bit. She abruptly stopped laughing, and her emerald eyes dilated with anticipation. Without thinking she took a sharp jab at the punch bag, followed by a strong uppercut with her right hand. Her hands were powerful and fast. She punched and kicked the bag of sand with all the strength she had. Her body moved on it own accord, she couldn't stop now that she had started.

As time went on, her body started to ache. Lactic acid started to build up within her muscles, it was then when she decided to give it a rest.

Stumbling away from the punch bag, she walked back to collect up her belongings. Her bangs clung onto her forehead from all the sweat that had gathered up there. Her t-shirt had turned damp with perspiration, she was far too sweaty to change back into her uniform. Picking up her jacket, she stuffed it into her schoolbag. Slinging the bag over her shoulder, it occurred to her that she had left some of her books in the school council boardroom.

Natsuki sprinted down the hallways, it was almost 7pm. Fuuka would be closing soon, she didn't want to get locked in. She ran faster as she approached the boardroom, a brunette holding a stack of books walked out from the room and into her path. Before she could halt herself, she she went tumbling onto the poor brunette. She winced in pain when her forehead smacked the cold hard tiled floor. The rest of her body was comfortably cushioned, which meant only one thing - the other person was clearly injured. Natsuki quickly pushed herself off the other, voicing as many apologies as she could.

Her eyes widened in shock when realization hit her. It was Shizuru who she had ungracefully knocked over. _(2) _"I'm so sorry, have I injured you? Are you able to walk? Do you need help getting up?" Natsuki chocked up over her words. _The whole purpose of collecting her books from the boardroom escaped her mind the moment she bumped into Shizuru._

Of all the people in this school that she could have run over, why did it have to be the girl that she harbored deep feelings for? _Why was God so cruel to her? What had she done to deserve this? _

Shizuru slowly sat up, rubbing a sore spot on her elbows. "And that is why teachers tell us not to run down the hallways."

Natsuki cringed, she really wanted to smack herself silly. "I-I-I'm really sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone else to be around, that's why I decided to make a run for it."

"It's fine, I've had a terrible day. I'm sure it won't get any worse." Said Shizuru, smiling secretly to herself as she stood up dusting herself.

Natsuki felt even more horrible, guilt consumed her mind. "I'm really sorry, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Ara, well you could help me pick up these books." Shizuru pointed at all the books scattered over the floor. Natsuki dived for the books, at the same time as Shizuru. Their heads met in a sharp bump, both girls took a step back, "Sorry" both spoke in unison.

"I guess you spoke too soon when you said your day couldn't get any worse." Natsuki chuckled to herself.

"I suppose." Said Shizuru, breaking out in a small smile.

"Well, I got to be off. I'm going to be late for dinner." Natsuki handed back the books to Shizuru and sprinted away.

As she moved past Shizuru, the smell of lavender filled her nostrils.

From that day onwards, lavender became her favorite fragrance.

_If I, the school's infamous delinquent, confessed my true feelings to you Shizuru - would you laugh at me? Or give me a chance? _

_--_

Shizuru watched Natsuki's retreating figure. "You left your books..."_ (3)_

_It's like you're in another world...Natsuki... (4)_

* * *

_(1) Natsuki's not ugly. She just thinks she is when she compares herself to the rest of the world. She has low self esteem. _

_(2) Take notice that Shizuru is in the school after school hours. This only means one thing. She rejected the offer of having a ride home with the third year student. Natsuki unfortunately didn't get to hear Shizuru declining the offer. _

_(3) The books that Shizuru was holding were actually Natsuki's. _

_(4) There's the little ray of sunshine. It's not in-your-face... more like subtle. More realistic that way, ey? _

_--_

_Thanks for reading everyone. _

_Until next time, farewell. _


	4. The 4th stage: Self pity

_It seems people enjoy the slow pace. I guess a slow pace keeps the fic realistic... So yeah... thanks for the patience.  
I'll try to update as much as I can. (Which I shouldn't be doing since I have exams around the corner. I'll have to blame my poor grades on you guys. XD I'm joking...) _

_I am on a roll. I can't believe how fast I'm updating. Usually there is a time gap of half a century before I update my fics.  
Thank you for the reviews. (I'm sorry I haven't been replying to them all, I've been rather busy.) Please keep them coming, they make me update faster. Seriously. _

Warning: Naked Chie!!!! (Squeals then faints)

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki**

_Whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling_

_--_

Chie sat up, the bed sheets pooled around her waist, revealing her naked torso and taut stomach. She rubbed the back of her neck and sighed heavily.

From behind her Aoi sat up and draped her arms around Chie's shoulders, "What's wrong Chie?" She ask, her voice was soft and sweet.

Warm breath caressed Chie's ears as she rubbed her eyes. "It's Natsuki. I'm worried about her."

Aoi kissed the side of Chie's neck, "Don't be. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself."

"Even so, everyone needs someone to lean on when their going through a hard time in their lives." Replied Chie.

"I agree, but did it not occur to you that maybe she doesn't want to come to us for help. Maybe what she's going through is one of those things that she needs to sort out by herself. She knows she can come to us for help, but she's choosing not to."

"Yeah you're right. I did stress the fact that we're all going to be there for her when she needs us, right?"

"Yes, she'll come to us when she's ready. Now go back to sleep, it's only 6am." Said Aoi, gently pushing Chie down onto the mattress.

Chie smiled at Aoi and weaved their fingers together, "Thank you for that. My mind is finally at rest now."

Aoi brought her face closer to Chie's face until the tips of their noses were lightly brushing against each other, "You're wonderful a caring friend, Natsuki is lucky to have you in her close circle of friends..."

"And I'm even luckier to have you as my girlfriend. I love you Aoi, so much."

"I know." Aoi placed a light kiss upon Chie's lips, "And I love you too."

_We have a special bond one cannot see,  
It wraps us up in its cocoon,  
And holds us fiercely in its womb._

--

Natsuki smiles at Shizuru and accepts her books. Their fingers briefly brush past each others.  
That single touch is enough to fuel Natsuki's beating heart.  
That single touch is enough for Natsuki to learn that Shizuru's hands are softer than the petals of a blossoming flower.  
That single touch is enough for Natsuki to crave Shizuru _even more_.

Blushing furiously Natsuki quickly thanked Shizuru and bid her goodbye before she would do something she'd regret.

Walking away from Shizuru she quickly paced down the hallway and dashed into a random deserted classroom.

Slamming the door shut behind her, Natsuki sunk down onto the floor and exhaled slowly.

Closing her eyes, she leant her back against the door.

_Be still my heart. _

--

**_[HELP WANTED]_**

Natsuki tore the poster off the wall and carried it in with her to the garage. Men dressed in blue overalls were scattered around the garage, working on their own cars. A small office door at the other end of the garage caught Natsuki's attention. Slowly she walked up to the door, gathering up all her nerves she gave the door a sharp knock.

"Come in" called out a deep voice from within the office.

Natsuki opened the door. A large man sat behind the desk with a newspaper article in his hand. He looked intimidating, Natsuki already regretted her actions. She started to consider walking out of the room pretending she never entered it in the first place.

The large man placed his newspaper down and inspected Natsuki, head to toe. "How can I help you, dear?" He smiled kindly, Natsuki swore she saw his hazel eyes twinkle.

"I'd like to take up a job here. I found this poster outside." Replied Natsuki, trying to calm her nerves.

"Hm, so there were posters put out. I was starting to think maybe my workers never put them out..." The large man chuckled lightly. "Tell me, do you have any experience with cars?"

"No... but I'm a quick learner!" Replied Natsuki eagerly.

The large man smiled fondly, "I guess you could start off with the easier jobs then ease your way into learning how to fix motors."

"I'd like that very much, sir."

"What's your name, child?" Inquired the man, curiously.

"Natsuki Kuga, sir."

"You can call me Yamada. From today onwards I'll be your boss." Yamada held out his hand. Natsuki gladly took his hand and shook it firmly, "Thank you, sir."

_Finally, something to distract me. _

_--_

Natsuki pushed the tables back into their original positions, the previous class that were using this room certainly left it in a state.

She grunted in pain as she slides the chair under one of the desks, some how she had pulled a muscle in her shoulder.

Behind her a door open and closed, she turned around curiously.

"I hope you don't mind, I have some paper work that I need to fill out."

Natsuki stared at Shizuru, slack-jawed, she had been expecting one of her friends to come and bother her during her after-school duties.

Natsuki shook her head and continued to push the chairs under the desks, she appeared calm but if she held out her hands it would have been quite obvious that her hands were trembling uncontrollably.

The young blue haired teen moved around the classroom stealthily, trying not to distract the school council president while she was hard at work.

Unknown to her, a pair of amused crimson eyes watched her.

_You're not a rebel...  
There's something about you that I have yet to uncover._

_--_

Natsuki increased the volume of her music and continued to sweep away with her back to the front of the classroom.

Her fingers gripped the handle of the broom tightly, it was difficult trying to keep her mind off Shizuru. She tried to focus her attention on her task ahead, but being in that boardroom was a distraction alone. The faint smell of lavender caressed her nose, and just like that she went back to daydreaming of Shizuru. (1)

The second she realized what she was doing she stopped sweeping and chuckled lightly to herself. It was ridiculous how her mind was constantly plagued by Shizuru.

"What's so funny?" Inquired a voice from behind her.

Natsuki dropped the broom in sudden alarm and whipped around.

She was greeted with the sight of Mai giggling behind her hand. Natsuki scratched the back of her head sheepishly, "Ah, nothing really."

_It's ok when you see me with my guard down.  
Because... you've already figured me out. _

_--_

The rain was having mood swings. One minute it was raining lightly then the next minute it was raining cats and dogs. And at that current moment, when Natsuki stepped outside into the chilling cold whether - it was raining cats and dogs.

Shizuru standing under a bike shed caught her gaze, she was probably waiting for the rain to stop.

Natsuki didn't know what she was doing when she started to approach Shizuru. Before she could think to turn back, it was far too late. She was already standing directly in front of the school council president.

She held out her umbrella to Shizuru, giving her a piercing look.

Shizuru looked surprised, not knowing what to do when Natsuki was offering her an umbrella whilst at the same time giving her a cold stare.

"Shizuru!" Called out a deep voice. Approaching the two girls was Reito under an umbrella of his own.

A disappointed look crossed Natsuki's face when her eyes found Reito. Turning her head back to Shizuru she spoke in a low tone, "Take it."

Shizuru took the umbrella from Natsuki, "But you're-"

Natsuki offered her a shy smile, "I better run now." And just like that, Natsuki spun around and sprinted away as the rain pelted down on her lithe body.

"Who was that?" Asked Reito.

"Natsuki Kuga." Replied Shizuru, appearing to be still in shock.

"Be sure to thank her- wait Natsuki? As in the girl that's always getting up to no good?"

Shizuru nodded.

_Mysterious Natsuki...  
What are you hiding from the rest of us?_

_--_

"I've figured it out!" Yelled Chie, jumping up from her chair.

"Shhh. We're in the library. What is it?" Replied Aoi.

"Yeah what is it?" Inquired Mai, putting down her text book.

"Natsuki got rejected. Like as in, she spilled her heart out to someone and that person turned her down. That explains her morbid depression!"

"No way. Natsuki isn't the type to spill her heart out to someone." Said Mai picking up her textbook again.

"Yes, that's true." Agreed Aoi.

"But think of it like this, she gets rejected by someone then suddenly gets really angry and lets her anger out by smashing the school windows. Then after she passes through that angry stage, depression begins to consume her and she goes through this lengthily period where she's all like 'No one loves me, I might as well die.' How about that? Does that not sound like Natsuki?"

Both Mai and Aoi broke out into a fit of giggles, "That-is-probably-the-most-ridiculous-thing... I've ever heard" Wheezed Mai, through her laughing fit.

Chie narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend and best friend, "Laugh all you want, but I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

"Chie..." Aoi began in her warning tone. "What did I say to you the other morning? Let's just leave Natsuki be, ok?"

"Fine. But if she commits suicide or something like that, then the blood will be on your hands."

"Don't say such ridiculous things Chie!" Aoi scolded.

_For Christ's sake, get a grip Natsuki.  
Before I loose my mind. _

_--_

Natsuki narrowed her eyes at the sight of Shizuru getting in a car with Reito, from the windows of the boardroom.

_What does he have, that I don't? (2)_

Anger swelled up inside her like a balloon, she had the biggest urge to send her fist through the glass. She clenched her fists against the window pane, trying to ignore the image of Shizuru getting into a car with Reito.

Slowly the anger evaporated off her, and then... she felt sadness engulfed her.

_You'll never be mine. _

_--_

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock_.

The ticking clock was starting to irritate Natsuki, she had the biggest urge to grab the offending object and throw it out of her window.

The sun had only just set, and yet she was in her bedroom with the curtains drawn. In the safety of her bedroom, she allowed those dreaded tears slowly stain her face. She hated this feeling, she hated it more than anything. It made her feel weak and vulnerable. At this stage of her life, it felt like anything and anyone could easily shatter those walls she had spent her whole life building up.

The very image of Shizuru was enough to make her heart feel like it had been plunged in icy cold water, making her eyes water dangerously.  
But then again, the very same image of Shizuru could easily bring her mind and soul to another level of heavenly bliss.

The mixed feelings were exhausting.  
A girl like herself, would crumble and eventually cave in. And lead to God-knows-what...

She buried her face further into her pillow and groaned in frustration. How could a single person turn her into such an emotional wreck?

_Shizuru... Shizuru Fujino..._

Natsuki rolled onto her back. Staring up at the ceiling she whispered to herself, "I wonder what she's doing right now..."

_I think of you...  
in every special way_

_I always think of you...  
in my dreams.  
I always think of you..._  
_wishing you're thinking of me.  
I always think of you...  
hoping you're alright._

_I always think of you.  
I really do.  
Because...  
I  
Love  
You._

_

* * *

_

_(1) The boardroom smells a lot like Shizuru, because she spends a lot of time in there. (Natsuki is not imagining the smell of lavender if that's what you're thinking.) _

_(2) I'm sure you've all gathered that Natsuki's having another jealous moment._

_--_

_Does anyone else have those moments where you're just lying in bed thinking "I wonder what he/she is doing..."_

_Ah, it seems I have caused some confusion.  
In the previous chapter Shizuru takes notice of Natsuki for the very first time.  
This doesn't mean she's in love Natsuki.  
She hardly knows anything about her. _

_Next chapter will be taking a turn, for better or for worse?  
Well, I'll leave you guys to ponder on that thought. _

_Until next time, farewell.  
And have a happy new year._


	5. The 5th stage: Emerging from the shadows

**Go home, Natsuki**

_I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart. _

_--_

Sitting in a dark room is a girl with dark hair shadowing her face.  
She's sitting on the floor hugging her knees; her shoulders are hunched over like she's carrying the weight of the world on them.

She's barely hanging on anymore. It looks like she'll never gain control again and pull herself back up onto her feet.

For the first time in her life she needs someone to _save _her...

Someone to save her from this _despair_.

--

Mai and Chie stood outside of Natsuki's bedroom waiting for a response.

Chie paced up and down, her fingers twitching. Mai, on the other hand calmly inspected her fingers contemplating on whether or not her cuticles needed to be groomed again.

Inside of the bedroom, Natsuki slowly dragged herself off her bed and pulled her duvet along with her to the door. She unlocked the door and opened it without even acknowledging her friends presence.

"Hello would be nice." Mumbled Chie as she walked into bedroom, Mai gave her a warning jab in her stomach with her elbow.

"Natsuki, we're going to the fun fair today, we were wondering if you wanted to join us?" Asked Mai, she was careful not to sound to demanding.

"No." Grumbled Natsuki as she pulled her curtains apart, wincing from the bright sun light shining on her eyes.

"Why not?" Chie asked, as she opened the windows dying for some fresh air.

"I've got work." Both girls raised their eyebrows in surprise, "Work?"

"Yes. Work. I work at the local garage."

"If you've got a job now... then why are you still so depressed?" Chie asked, with each word laced with concern.

"Look, we'll talk later. Right now I need to shower and be on my way to work." Natsuki said ushering them out of her bedroom.

--

Natsuki stared at the piece of metal junk, her emerald eyes glazed with want.

"Who does this belong to, sir?" She asked her boss.

"That's mine. I'm going to throw it out... recycle it or something."

"Don't throw it out, it's be a waste sir." Replied Natsuki half-dazed.

Yamada chuckled, an idea clicked in his head.

"Would you like keep it Natsuki?"

Natsuki's eyes widened with shock, "W-what? You want to give it to me, sir?"

"Yes, would you like it? Your right, it'd be a waste if I threw it out."

"I can't ride it though..." She replied crestfallen.

"I'll teach you everything you need to learn." Yamada patted Natsuki on her shoulder and walked away, "Now could you go and help Hiro out, he looks like he needs help with that car."

All of a sudden, Natsuki felt something the size of an apple swell up within her throat. She felt overwhelmed with emotions, this was the kindest thing anyone had done for her in a long time.

"R-right away sir."

Taking on last look at the battered motorbike, Natsuki smiled to herself as she walked away to find Hiro.

--

Natsuki blushed a deep shade of red when she realized how long she had been staring at Shizuru.

The gorgeous brunette sat under a tree, with her back leaning against the bark of the tree. She scanned her exotic crimson eyes across the school grounds, as if she were waiting for somebody. From behind her Reito crept up and tapped Shizuru left shoulder. Natsuki watched Reito tap Shizuru's right shoulder as she turned her to the left looking for the culprit. They both broke out into a fit of giggles as soon as Shizuru was able to turn around and finally catch Reito in the act.

Natsuki leant on the palm of hand as she watched Shizuru erupt into a sweet honey-coated laughter. She felt her heart flutter a little inside before it was suddenly plunged into cold water when Shizuru flicked her eyes over to Natsuki and gave her a strange look.

Natsuki instantly dropped her eyes down to her lap, pretending she was busy reading one of her huge textbooks.

Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

She glanced back up and found Shizuru no longer sitting under the tree, scanning her eyes around she found Shizuru walking side by side with Reito, both were coming her way. Natsuki felt her heart jump up into her throat and get stuck there. She coughed hard trying to relieve the horrid feeling.

Natsuki was pleased to find Shizuru absorbed in a conversation with Reito, but with her eyes glued to Natsuki's. There was a definite mischievous glint her ruby eyes.

Natsuki had a hard time fighting off the on-coming blush. She could have easily avoided the blush by breaking her gaze.

But she didn't want to look away, especially not when Shizuru looked like she was half smiling at her.

Slowly, Natsuki lips curved into a crooked smile. Shizuru walked past Natsuki gracefully, her hair dancing temptingly with the gentle breeze.

Natsuki watched Shizuru walk away, her mind still in a daze.

_I swear, I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with you._

_How far will I fall before you come find me?_

--

"KUGA" A deep voice bellowed.

Natsuki speeded down the hall, with a trail of teachers on her trail. For the first time in her life she was innocent, it wasn't her who had set the trash cans on fire.

She dashed into the boardroom without thinking, slamming the door shut she leaned on her knees and tried to catch her breath.

"Ara... to what do I owe the pleasure of this?" Inquired a sweet kyoto-ben voice.

"I-I swear I never did anything! It wasn't me! The fire... I-I don't even have a lighter on me." Natsuki gave Shizuru a pleading look.

"What are you talking abo-" The door abruptly opened, and four teachers stormed into the room. All four of them were clearly out of shape, not a single one of them could speak due to lack of air.

"Can I help you sensei?"

"That-that girl is going to wish she never did that." Puffed out one of the teachers.

"Do what sensei?" Shizuru inquired.

"She knows what I'm talking about!" The teacher yelled in return.

"I didn't do it" Mumbled Natsuki staring at her feet.

"She didn't do anything sensei, I just sent her out to run a few errands for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't think I've ever mentioned this but Kuga-san kindly offered to help me organize the carnival. I believe she wants to redeem herself. I only just sent her out to pick up a few items for me but she came running back, saying something about a fire she had nothing to do with. I do hope no one has been harmed, has the fire been put out?"

"We saw her walking away from the burning bin. That's solid proof."

"Sensei, she doesn't have a lighter on her. How could she have set a bin on fire with nothing in her hands. Now if you don't mind, me and Natsuki need to see to something. Come Natsuki." Shizuru walked out of the room with Natsuki following her wordlessly.

As soon as they were more than 10 feet away from the teachers Shizuru spoke up, "That was my 'thank you' for giving your umbrella that rainy day. Now, would care to escort me to head office? I believe you are going to help me organize the carnival from today onwards."

"When did I ever agree to help you?" Scoffed Natsuki. Her face was heating up, she could almost feel Shizuru's body heat radiating off onto her own.

"You agreed to help me when I saved you from getting kicked out of this school." Replied Shizuru happily.

"I thought that was your way of showing gratitude?" Natsuki raised her eyebrows.

"Yes well, I've changed my mind. You are now going to help me with organizing the carnival, whether you like it or not." Replied Shizuru nonchalantly.

"Eh, this is about the fire isn't it. This is my new punishment isn't it? You think I did it!" Natsuki grew angry, she stopped walking and glared at Shizuru.

"No, this has nothing to do with the fire."

"I've pretty much wrecked the school, why _wouldn't_ you think it's me? I know your thinking I did it, if not who else would do such a thing? You know what, I don't care what you or the rest of this school thinks of me. I'll help you organize the damn carnival, just don't expect me to be happy to be doing so." Natsuki turned around, every inch of fiber within her being was laced with anger. The idea of Shizuru not believing her just made her flare up. Once again, she had no right to be angry... after all she deserved no trust, especially from the person who had been in charge of dealing with her reckless behavior.

"I said I believe you. You know you're a lot of things Natsuki" Upon hearing her name, Natsuki stopped walking. "You are a fool for doing all those things to our school... Your mind works in a different way compared to the rest of the attention-seeking-rebels in this school... You're foolish, you're reckless, and you're clumsy... That's only just the tip of the ice-burg. I don't know much about you, but what I do know for sure is that you are not an arsonist."

Natsuki had turned around to face Shizuru, for the first time Shizuru had acknowledged her. She couldn't contain her heart from soaring up and into the clouds. Sure, Shizuru threw a few insults at her - but she deserved them.

Shizuru cast Natsuki one last look before turning away and walking way from her.

"Wait, how would you how my mind works?" Natsuki asked Shizuru's retreating figure. The brunette smirked to herself as she smoothly walked away. "Goodbye, Natsuki."

_What kind of delinquent would care about the well being of others?_

--

Over the next few days Natsuki went through a mixture of phases.

On the very same day she had that conversation with Shizuru, she floated into a dream-like world and turned giddy with sheer joy. For the very first time, Shizuru had finally acknowledged her. At first the feeling was satisfying; she couldn't stop her heart from doing cart wheels.

But then, her joy was short-lived. She fell back into the depths of depression when it all sunk in, what Shizuru had said to her that day was finally absorbed properly after replaying that moment in her mind over and over again.

_She thinks I'm a fool... _

--

Reito raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing Shizuru?" His question had a double meaning.

Shizuru answered innocently, "Nothing."

Reito chuckled, "Don't bother with her Shizuru, she's not like the rest."

"I know, she's different. _(1) _She doesn't boast about her actions like the others do. I really can't undertand why she'd do all of those things..." Shizuru paused for a moment, gathering up her thoughts. "Just the other the day I was in the boardroom doing my work whilst she was cleaning, she worked ever so quietly like she trying not to disturb me. It was quite endearing to watch..."

"Hmph, that seems somewhat different - I would have expected someone like Natsuki to throw a tantrum and not follow out her orders." Replied Reito, absorbed in his own thoughts.

"Mmm exactly, that's what makes her different from the others. She hasn't realized it yet but it's all on her record. It's going to affect her later on in life, I want to help her."

"...Ah, and by helping you organize the school carnival - it will also go down on her school record. So you're going to help her redeem herself?" Reito said, smiling slowly.

"Yes. That is _only_ if the carnival is a success."

"Be sure to watch her every move. It'll affect you too if the carnival doesn't turn out as a good as expected. A lot of people are expecting this year's one to be a huge success."

--

Natsuki stood outside of the classroom, with her back against the wall. She stared out across the corridor, her brows creased in frustration. She tried her best to relax, but every single muscle in her body remained stiff. All of a sudden the door opened and students flowed out of the room. Her eyes stayed glued to the wall on the other side of the corridor, she took in deep breaths of air trying to remember what Mai told her to when she was nervous.

"Natsuki?" Natsuki looked up and found Shizuru standing ahead of her, slightly to her left. Shizuru turned and walked without any further words. Natsuki sighed deeply and followed Shizuru's lead.

She walked one step behind Shizuru, she didn't want to be near Shizuru's view in fear of being caught looking embarrassed.

"Where were you yesterday and the day before? I was waiting for you." Said the brunette speaking calmly.

"I-I wasn't feeling well." Natsuki replied, lying through her teeth.

"I didn't start without you. If you keep this up, the carnival will be delayed. I've cancelled your cleaning duties so you can help me organize the carnival, you have no excuse to be absent."

Natsuki didn't reply. _She had spent the last few days wallowing in misery._

Shizuru slowed down her pace and walked into a classroom, from one of the cupboards she pulled out a large sheet of paper and markers.

"We start with brainstorming." She said, handing Natsuki a marker.

--

Natsuki shook her head, "No... no house of mirrors."

"Why not? Everyone likes them." Replied Shizuru, writing it down on the large paper anyways.

"They are suffocating..." She said quietly, her voice almost a whisper.

Shizuru glanced up at Natsuki, the younger girl looked distraught. "What happened?" She asked, her ruby eyes softening.

"When I was younger..."

*

Natsuki with her eyes closed unknowingly walked into the house of mirrors, she didn't know why she was listening to what the other children were saying. They sounded like they were stifling their laughter, something was definitely wrong. "Keep going Natsuki." She continued to walk on blindly.

Natsuki bumped into a wall, and opened up her eyes upon instinct. She jumped back when she was face to face with her refection on a mirror, as she stumbled backwards her back hit something cold and hard. She turned around and found herself face to face with her reflection again. She looked around and only saw a reflection of her terrified face staring back at her. Her eyes widened with horror, she was in a room full of mirrors.

She frantically looked for a path out, but she was constantly bumping into mirror after mirror. Slowly she started to see that maybe the room was closed off. Green eyes widened with terror, her eyes started to water. She wanted nothing more than to escape this hell.

She felt her chest start to seize up, lack of oxygen caused her loose her footing. She stumbled about trying to take in deep breaths of air, with no success she felt her airway constrict. As she dropped down onto the floor she saw herself in the reflection…

A small girl dropping down onto the floor, her eyeballs rolling back in their sockets.

*

"...When I woke up again, I was cradled in my teachers arms. I don't know who got me out."

"Where were your parents?" Shizuru asked, her voice softer than anything in this world.

"I don't have parents." Natsuki stared back at Shizuru lifelessly. "No house of mirrors?" She asked again.

Shizuru found herself at loss for words.

--

"Ok now that we've allocated a date and have dealt with the budget, we'll have to start looking for entertainment tomorrow. Things seem to be running smoothly so far, and it's only been a week. So we've got to keep up the hard work. I need you to come into school every single day, that means no truanting either."

Natsuki's lips moved up into a small smile, "Ok. Can I go now? It's 7.20."

Shizuru gasped, her eyes immediately shot to the clock on the wall. "Are you late for something?" Natsuki asked quietly.

"Yes. Very late."

"Do you need a ride?" The question slipped out before she could stop herself.

"You have a car?" Shizuru raised her eyebrows.

"Not quite."

"A bicycle?" She questioned.

"Close. A motorbike." Shizuru looked baffled.

"I drive safely, I won't let you get hurt." Said Natsuki, as if she was reading Shizuru's mind. "You can wear my helmet." Natsuki cut in, before Shizuru could accept or decline her offer.

--

They both walked to Natsuki's motorbike in silence.

The bike had changed quite a lot since the day Natsuki had first set her eyes on it. Yamada had kindly fixed the motorbike and given it a new paint job to suit Natsuki's taste.

Shizuru eyed the blue motorbike with a slight hint of worry. She had never rode on the back of a motorbike, and never planned to. The very idea of a motorbike sent shivers down her spine.

"Trust me. With you in the back seat, I'll drive extra safely." Said Natsuki again, her voice barely a whisper. Shizuru's face almost showed her surprise, Natsuki had once again somehow crept into her mind.

Handing Shizuru the helmet, Natsuki took out her keys and straddled her bike. "Get on."

Shizuru pulled the helmet over her head, she was suddenly engulfed by Natsuki's scent. Involuntarily she took in a deep breath through her nose. Slowly, and very carefully she placed herself onto the back seat of Natsuki's bike, her limp arms hung by her sides not knowing what to do with them.

Natsuki hesitantly reached for Shizuru's arms and slowly brought them around her waist. "Hold onto me firmly." Shizuru nodded.

Without any further delay, she started up her engine. "Where to?"

"The dorms please." Slowly Natsuki applied pressure on the accelerator and the bike moved off. With time she increased the speed.

Shizuru closed her eyes and gripped onto Natsuki tightly.

Natsuki kept her eyes focused on the road. Her body almost loosing control from Shizuru's tight hold on her.

--

Natsuki gradually brought the motorbike to the curb. She half turned around and found Shizuru had already gotten off and was mid-way through the process of taking off the helmet.

The brunette took the helmet off and held it in her hands, "Thank you." She handed the helmet back to Natsuki.

The blue haired girl nodded.

Before Natsuki could pull the helmet over her head Shizuru opened her mouth. "Will-"

"Will I see you after class tomorrow?" Shizuru asked Natsuki, failing not to sound too demanding.

The emerald eyed girl nodded shyly, revving up her engine she muttered a goodbye before driving away.

--

Natsuki rolled out onto her back. Her face gleaming with joy.

Happiness had finally started to catch up with Kuga Natsuki.

_Here is the deepest secret nobody knows,  
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud,  
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows  
Higher than soul can hope or mind can hide  
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart,_

_I carry your heart  
I carry it in my heart._

* * *

_(1) Everyone seems to always never understand Natsuki's true nature. _

_Shizuru and Reito are meant to be having one of those vague conversations there. It one of those conversations where when others listen in they have no idea what they are talking about - but they understand each other clearly. I tweaked with it **a lot **so you guys could understand. There are other people like Natsuki in that school, who like to break an occasional window or two whenever they feel like it. So when Shizuru refers to the other delinquents (or something) she's talking about them.  
Also when Shizuru says that everything has gone down on Natsuki's record - that basically means everything Natsuki has done has been recorded down onto her school history. So later on in life when she's applying to universities, it'll all come back and bite her in the ass. But with Shizuru's plan, she thinks she'll be able to redeem some of Natsuki's faults._

_And she's doing this all because she's finally taken a small __liking to Natsuki. (There's clues all over the place now, some in the previous chapter and some in this chapter.)_

_There you go. I hope you guys understand. I haven't gone over what I just wrote there, and I can't be bothered to check if I've made any sense. I'm too tired.  
Sorry. D:_

--

Moving on...

My god. So much Shiznat moments. I WAS going to have two different chapters. But then I just let it merge into one long(er) chapter.  
I don't think it'd be fair if I kept Natsuki suffering all this time.  
After all it has been many MANY months. I thought it'd be best to slowly turn things around.

Just so you guys know when this appears (--) then it means change of scene and a time skip. It can vary from a couple of hours to a whole week.

Got any further questions, feel free to pop me a PM.  
Or for any other reasons, don't be afraid to drop a PM. I don't bite. Unless you are irresistibly cute. ;)  
(I. Have. Got. To. Stop. Flirting.) xD

Until next time!  
Take care.  
(No more farewell's, Kohei no Kimi. Thank you, by the way. I was unable to reply to your email due to some technical difficulties. Blasted Virus! Grr.)


	6. The 6th stage: Inescapable solitude

_A/N: 'Happiness is often short-lived. However, that doesn't mean it'll never visit you again.'  
Ignore any errors, (for the time being)._

_--_

**Go home, Natsuki**

_If time could stand still, I'd freeze it right here._

_--_

_Monday_

Natsuki hated Monday's for various reasons. There were too many problems with Monday to list.

Today was a Monday... Another frustrating and tiresome Monday. The blue haired delinquent growled under her breath, thinking about the long day ahead of her.

She could only get through the day daydreaming of Shizuru, and knowing that soon she would be in the presence of her...

Natsuki's palms started to sweat as she pictured Shizuru. Her heart violently thumped in her chest as she tried to calm her nerves.

_Tell me it'll all get better soon.  
Tell me I'll get used to it._

--

"I'm scared of heights." Shizuru said, breaking the icy silence. Natsuki raised her eyebrows in surprise. That certainly came out of nowhere.

"What?"

"I'm terrified of Ferris wheels, I get nauseous at the sight of blood, I have no siblings, I live with my father and I don't have a part time job."

Natsuki looked mildly shocked. "Oh... Ok?" She replied, not really sure of what to say.

Shizuru giggled at Natsuki's response, "We're even now. Yes?"

It then sunk in to Natsuki, her mouth moved into a grin. "Yes."

--

Emerald eyes watched the time slowly tick by. Fingers twitched in anticipation.

Natsuki narrowed her eyes at the clock on the wall. _It was time._

She slammed her text book shut and picked up her note. Walking up to the front of the class she flashed the teacher the note Shizuru had given her.

"Can I leave sir?"

"You may."

She walked out of the room in no hurry, but as soon as she reached the hallway she broke into a sprint. She had a long way to travel to get to the other side of the building. She felt her calf muscles tear away with pain as she jumped down a series of stair cases.

All of a sudden, the bell rang.

Natsuki swore out loud and continued her journey.

As she tore down the hallway she weaved in and out of people trying to get to her destination.

It suddenly occurred to her that there had been room changes, turning around she ran in the opposite direction and back up the flight of stairs two steps at a time. Reaching the familiar corridor she sprinted up the hallway, and took a left turn. Reaching the end of that corridor she took another right turn into the final hallway.

Finally the dull brown door came into her view. She sighed with relief when she noticed no one had left that classroom yet.

Coming to a halt outside the classroom, Natsuki leaned down onto her knees and let all her muscles relax. Every inch of her body ached.

Sweat dampened her clothes, she had no choice but to take off her hoody before she over heated. Pulling off the hoody, she tied it around her waist.

Shaking her head, Natsuki started to think _maybe _the super-fast journey to be here on time wasn't worth it.

The classroom started to empty, the last to leave was Shizuru. The brunette was caught off guard when she was greeted with the sight of Natsuki dressed in a non-school uniform vest and her upper body glistening with sweat. With mild interest, she watched Natsuki lean on her knees and pant like a wild animal, her torso heaved up and down with every breath she breathed in and out. Natsuki looked up and passed Shizuru a crooked smile.

Natsuki took in Shizuru's surprised look... and thought _maybe_ the super-fast journey to be here on time was worth it after all_._

"You took-your ti...me" Natsuki puffed out. Her thin lips forming a smirk.

"Ara, forgive me I was held back in class. Let us be on our way to the library, we're going to have to be using the laptops tonight."

Natsuki nodded and followed Shizuru's lead, one step behind the brunette.

--

Natsuki watched Shizuru's lips move as she mouthed the words she was typing down. Her crimson eyes scanned the page for details, "Natsuki I would appreciate it if you could pay attention to your task."

Crimson eyes flickered over to emerald eyes.

Natsuki instantly straightened up in her seat mumbling something.

"What do you need me to do?" Natsuki asked, her emerald eyes all of a sudden gleaming with determination.

Shizuru was taken back for a split second, "Could you gather all the phone numbers of all the entertainers and write them down, please. Yukino will be in charge of calling them up."

Natsuki nodded her head and went straight to work.

Her phone started vibrating in her pocket, Shizuru glanced up from her screen and watched Natsuki's brows furrow with agitation as she flipped open the phone, "Excuse me". The blue haired girl walked out of the library and stood outside with the phone in her hand.

"Hello, Chie?"

"_Hey, wanna have dinner with me and the others tonight? We're going to your favorite place_."

"I don't know. I'm not feeling too great."

"_Oh come on Natsuki. Live a little. We'll be back before midnight_."

Natsuki sighed helplessly, "Fine, what time do I meet you?"

"_8pm, at the usual spot. Catch you later_."

Natsuki flipped her phone shut and walked back into the library.

Shizuru cast Natsuki a quick glance, "Important phone call?"

"Not really. It was just my friend."

Shizuru nodded and went back to clicking away at the laptop. She let out a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes as she rubbed her temples.

Natsuki couldn't help but ask, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, I can't get any work done because the laptop keeps freezing." Natsuki stood up from her desk and walked over to Shizuru, standing behind the brunette she observed the laptop's behavior.

"That's because you've got too many programs open. Here, let me help you." Natsuki leaned down from behind Shizuru and placed her hand over the mouse. She felt Shizuru instantly freeze up, Natsuki growled under her breath.

"...I won't bite." She muttered, as she clicked away on the laptop.

"I know. But, you're leaning over my body, it is quite difficult to move."

Natsuki stumbled away, "Ahh, sorry about that." She stammered.

Shizuru waved a hand dismissively at Natsuki and smiled cheerfully, "Ara, it's working again. Thank you, Natsuki."

"S-sure, no problem." She sheepishly scratched the back of her head.

--

Natsuki hovered around behind Shizuru, her fists clenching and unclenching. She felt useless standing there with nothing to do. During her after school sessions it appeared that Shizuru would do all the work, with very little input from Natsuki.

"Natsuki?" Shizuru's angelic voice made Natsuki jump out of her thoughts.

"Yes?" She answered, Shizuru turned around on her chair to face her.

"I got some complaints from some students-"

Natsuki raised her eyebrows with surprise, "I didn't do anything though."

"No it's nothing about that. It's about the carnival. Most students want a house of mirrors at the carnival." Natsuki's lungs started to constrict.

"I have no choice but to make sure there is one, or else so many of the students will be disappointed and might complain about us."

Natsuki stared at Shizuru, her throat felt like it was swelling up, her brain wasn't doing so well.

"Natsuki? I'm sorry, I tried to reason with them, but they just won't allow it."

Natsuki tried to gather up a string of words, but first she needed to breathe before she collapsed.

"I know it's going to be horrible for you, but maybe you could just avoid going near it?" Shizuru paused for a second to catch the panicked look on Natsuki's face.

"Natsuki, say something. Please?" She pleaded.

Gulping down air Natsuki gathered up her words, "It is fine. I'll be alright. It would have been selfish of me anyway to take that away from the rest of the school." Her voice was raspier than ever.

Shizuru dropped her eyes down to the floor, she felt like she had let Natsuki down. After all, she had promised there wouldn't be a house of mirrors when Natsuki had unveiled her own weak, vulnerable side.

Natsuki was quick to catch the look in Shizuru's eyes.

"People change, Shizuru. I've changed. It won't affect me - I won't _let_ it affect me."

--

There was an unfamiliar boy standing by the gates, waiting for someone. He had untamed jet black hair and startling blue eyes that stood out. His beautiful features could shatter the heart of many girls. He wore a reckless smile.  
Just like Natsuki's, his smile was crooked.

Natsuki didn't like the look of the boy. She narrowed her eyes at him. Shizuru walked beside Natsuki, she wore a smile on her face as she drew closer to the unfamiliar boy. He took two large steps towards to Shizuru.

"Hiroshi!" Shizuru hurried closer to him. The boy chuckled and saluted her, "Shizuru."

Natsuki felt a pang of jealousy.

Shizuru stood a step away from the boy, they both stared intently into each others eyes, sharing a special moment. _(1)_

Natsuki turned away from them and walked over to her bike.

"It's been long." Natsuki heard the boy say as she walked away.

"It certainly has, could you hold on a minute? Natsuki!"

Natsuki stopped walking towards her bike, she robotically turned around. Her face was twisted into a grimace.

"Yeah?"

"Are you leaving?"

"Yes."

"Ok, well then good bye. Thank you for the help."

"Sure."

Natsuki cast her eyes down to the floor, she slumped her shoulders and walked away as if she had been defeated.

"Who is that?" She heard a deep mellow voice ask.

"Oh, that's just Natsuki. Tell me, did you bring your bicycle? It's been so long since I had a ride with you. I missed sitting on the seat while you worked so hard trying to pedal the bike." Shizuru laughed heartily with the boy.

"You missed my bike? I'm starting to think you miss my bike more than you missed me."

"Don't be silly. Of course I missed the bicycle more. I miss the feeling of having the wind blow through my hair." Shizuru giggled as she continued to tease Hiroshi.

Natsuki revved her engine, trying to ignore their conversation.

_Just Natsuki._

_Just Natsuki. _

_Just Natsuki felt hurt... it was beyond any words. _

--

Natsuki slid into the cozy booth first as all her friends followed her lead. Chie sat across her on the opposite side of the table with Aoi. Sitting beside Natsuki was Mai followed by Mikoto and some of the others.

Natsuki slipped off into her own dream world. Lately she had been more distant, her mind was always somewhere else. She blamed it entirely on Shizuru, the brunette constantly plagued her mind.

Spending so much time with Shizuru made Natsuki restless, she constantly felt like a large part of her was missing. Like there was a huge hole in her, growing bigger day by day. And _no matter_ what she did to cover it up, she'd still feel _oh-so_ empty inside.

Chie slammed her hand down on the table, staring at Natsuki's lifeless eyes.

Natsuki jumped up in her seat. She snarled at Chie for making her jump like that, "What now?"

"Snap out of it!"

Aoi put her hand on Chie's shoulder in a calming manner.

Natsuki sighed helplessly and sagged down on her seat, "I... can't help it." Mai smiled sadly at Natsuki, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"What's her name? What's the name of the girl who has taken half of your soul?" Chie asked her.

Natsuki growled, "Mai... what did you say to Chie?" Her voice took on a warning tone.

"I had no choice, she was spilling out all these ridiculous theories. I had to say something to put a lid on it." Mai offered with an apologetic look.

Natsuki slammed her fists down on the table, "Listen, it's just a petty crush. Chie, she hasn't really taken away my half soul or any other crap you're sprouting out."

Chie chuckled to herself, "Just a crush? No. _No._ This is more than _just_ a crush. A crush doesn't last a whole year. People tend to loose interest by then."

"A year?" Natsuki's voice made her sound small and fragile.

Natsuki sunk down in her chair... _Has it really been a whole year..? _

Natsuki sighed heavily and leaned her head down on the table, Mai put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing her tears back. Despite the fact that she had caring friends, she still felt lonely...

_There's a hole in my heart. It burns every time I think of you. _

Chie closed her eyes and let all her thoughts gather up in her mind, "Natsuki, listen to me. You're in love. You're not dying." Her voice was gentle and soothing.

Natsuki felt something the size of her fist a swell up in her throat, "_Then why... why does it feel like I'm dying_?"

_--_

Natsuki slammed her locker shut. Slinging her bag over shoulder she dragged herself to her next class. In the distance she noticed a small crowd forming in the centre of the hallway. _Another fight? _

The people gathered around were starting to irritate Natsuki. They were in her way, and not bothering to make space for people like herself to walk past. It was impossible to get by without getting shoved around.

"Oh my god, get help! Is Fujino-sama going to faint?

That caught Natsuki's attention, without much thought she pushed her way to the middle.

"Shizuru!" Natsuki hissed.

Shizuru sat in the middle of the hallway. It was evident that her leg had been cut. It appeared that she had somehow spread the blood over her wound and fingers.

Natsuki dropped down onto the floor beside Shizuru. The brunette had her hands held up before her eyes, she looked like she was about to faint.

"Give her space!" Natsuki yelled, her voice was thunderous.

The surrounding people took a step back without any further questions.

Natsuki inspected the wound, it was harmless. Just a scratch - but deep enough to leak blood.

"Damn it!" It just occurred to her why Shizuru looked like she was about to faint.

Natsuki cupped Shizuru's cheek and tilted her head up. "Shizuru, eyes on me. Ignore the blood." Shizuru didn't respond.

Natsuki forced her forehead onto Shizuru's. Their faces were barely millimeters apart. Shizuru had no choice but to give Natsuki eye contact. "Listen to me carefully Shizuru. Are you paying attention?"

Shizuru nodded weakly. "Ok, I want you to keep your eyes on me while I clean you up, so you don't feel so nauseous. Do you understand Shizuru? Eyes on me only. Ok?" Shizuru nodded again.

Natsuki took her hands off Shizuru's face and pulled out a handkerchief. She wiped the blood of her fingers carefully, then quickly moved down to the wound on her leg. Very carefully, she dabbed the blood off. She could see from the corners of her eyes Shizuru was swaying slightly. When she glanced up she caught Shizuru staring at the wound. Natsuki quickly pulled Shizuru's face into her hands again, "Shizuru, I need you to keep your eyes on my face, do not look away."

Picking up the material, she went back to dabbing the wound, "What were you doing before this happened" She asked, trying to keep Shizuru's mind off the blood.

"I-was making my way to class. Natsuki... I feel dizzy."

"Shhh, what class were you going to?" She asked as she tied the material around Shizuru's shin and calf.

"I can't remember."

"Ok, that's alright. I'll take you to the nurse's office. Are you able to walk, Shizuru?"

Shizuru tried to stand but her weak knees gave out, a loud gasp came from their audience when Shizuru lost her balance. Fortunately Natsuki was prepared for this. She grabbed Shizuru before she could collapse. "Maybe not… I'll have to carry you." Natsuki mumbled.

"Natsuki, I can smell the blood." Natsuki looped her arms around Shizuru's shoulders and legs, and heaved her up.

"Concentrate on something else." Natsuki puffed out, as she staggered down to the nurse's office.

Natsuki's shoulder and neck cradled Shizuru's head, the brunette mumbled incoherent words into Natsuki's neck.

Natsuki could feel the rising blush.

"The smell is making feel sick. I can smell the iron, it's horrible..."

Natsuki struggled to walk in a straight line, "Concentrate on another smell. Come on Shizuru, try to do this."

Her nose buried into Natsuki's neck, the blue haired girl yelped and almost lost her unsteady hold on Shizuru's body.

"You... smell clean. Her nose rubbed the spot just behind Natsuki's reddening ears. "It's refreshing..." Her voice sounded distant.

"Shi-Shizuru? Shizuru don't faint on me now, we're almost there."

_--_

"You should be a paramedic." Youko chuckled as she ruffled Natsuki's hair. The blue haired teen scowled, "It's not funny. I almost dropped her on the way here. I had to carry her up the stairs because the lifts were broken" Natsuki growled in frustration.

"It's unfortunate that no one else offers help when you're around. Who else was there when Shizuru fell?"

"Some of those girls, you know the ones that are constantly stalking her. All of them were useless. They couldn't even hold the door open. They're only good at spying on people." The blue haired teen's face showed pure disgust.

Youko placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulders, "Now now, if it weren't for them you wouldn't have found Shizuru. And Shizuru might have just fainted without you or anybody else to help her."

"What? You mean she hadn't fainted?" Natsuki's eyes widened.

"No, she's asleep. I assume she's sleeping off the nausea. I'd have never thought Shizuru would be someone who would turn weak at the sight of blood..."

Natsuki jumped off her seat, "I thought she fainted! I thought I didn't do a good job of keeping her occupied so she wouldn't faint."

"No, you did a great job of that, not to mention you did a wonderful job of cradling her to sleep too." Natsuki's face turned a shade of hot red.

"I-I did not! She just fell asleep on me and at the time I didn't even realize that. I t-thought she fainted." Natsuki choked out.

Youko smiled, "If you say so."

Shizuru started to move under the covers, Natsuki took a step back. The brunette was waking up.

Natsuki watched Shizuru's face with nothing but fondness for her, she turned around and walked out of the infirmary before Shizuru could open her eyes. "Goodbye Youko-sensei."

Youko watched Natsuki walk away. With years of experience and knowledge, Youko had learnt _the hard way_ what that torn look on Natsuki's face meant.

_It feels like you can't go on,  
You can't even breath.  
It hurts to know that the one you love,  
Doesn't know your world is crumbling.  
It hurts... but someday you'll make it through._

* * *

_A/N: That last part is for those who are in Natsuki's position._

_(1) I'll leave it to you guys to ponder (only for a little while) on what Shizuru's relationship with the boy is. Umm, also just to clear any confusions - Reito is Shizuru's best friend. **Not boyfriend.**_

_I don't have any other footnotes for this chapter. If you've got any question, feel free to drop me a PM._

_Uhh, lots of different poetry used, glad to see people are noticing.  
There are so many song fics, and there aren't enough with actual decent poetry... hence the famous E. E. Cummings poem popping up here and there. (My personal fav)_

_I'm going to stop talking now. But before I leave I'd like to say that I absolutely adore everyone that has left me all the kind reviews. Thank you everyone! (And this an extra special thanks for you, Thriced.)_

_Semper fi! (Daz 4 yo0h, G.A!!!!!11)_

_Until next time..._


	7. The 7th stage: Fighting internal battles

**Go home, Natsuki**

_My sorrow is at its peak_

--

Shizuru distinctly heard the soft murmur of voices. _Natsuki? _

She wanted to call out to her, but she couldn't open her eyelids let alone speak. Her head throbbing as vague memories rushed through her.

She moved a little under the covers. The slight movement caused the murmur to stop. _No. _Shizuru heard footsteps moving away from her. _No, don't go. _"Goodbye Youko-sensei."

Slowly crimson eyes opened. Shizuru was greeted with empty space.

"Natsuki?" She called out to thin air.

_Open your eyes,  
I'm right here,  
Waiting for you. (1)_

--

Natsuki froze. Her muscles turned ridged. Just a minute ago her body felt cold and rejected.

Her name echoed through the air. She could almost feel the soft vibrations of the soothing voice thrum through her veins and wrap around her body tightly. Shizuru's voice was captivating... alluring her in.  
She wanted to give in. She wanted to _just_ let go for once, and just let her body take over. But she could never do that... that was something she couldn't afford to do.  
She was already on the brink of crumbling apart.

_What should I do?_

There was no easy path to take. Whichever route she would choose to take in the end wouldn't make much of a difference, she would still be slowly torturing herself to death.

She tugged her bottom lip with her teeth. _An unconscious reflex_. She didn't even realize she was doing it until the skin on her bottom lip_ tore_ a little.

Her heart felt heavy in her chest. It was weighing her down.  
With a heavy sigh she took one step forward.  
_One step away from Shizuru_.

Her mind conjured up the image of Shizuru's disappointed face.

Her body grudgingly turned around and walked back down the path to Shizuru. Halfway there, Youko stepped out with a mobile in her hand and rushed off towards the staircase.

Natsuki, unfazed, continued her journey back to Shizuru. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest, it was threatening to jump out of her ribcage. Natsuki wiped the cold sweat off her forehead with the back of wrist. As she drew closer, her breathing became more and more shallow.

_Just call my name,  
And I'll come running._

--

"You called?" Asked an unusually husky voice. The voice belonged to none other than Natsuki Kuga. She casually leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed against her chest. Her face wore the usual intimidating look, but Shizuru had grown used to it.

Shizuru pulled herself on the bed, the bed sheets pooled around her waist. She smiled weakly at Natsuki and gestured the blue haired girl to come closer.

Natsuki pushed herself off the doorframe and walked to Shizuru.

"Thank you" Shizuru said, looking up into Natsuki's eyes. "Thank you, for everything."

Natsuki kept her eyes away from Shizuru's meaningful gaze, "Sure. It's no problem." She hovered awkwardly around Shizuru's bed, not knowing what to do with herself.

Shizuru was accustomed to Natsuki's odd behavior. Most of the time it felt like she was the cause of Natsuki's strange behavior. She brushed that thought out of her mind when she caught the strange look on Natsuki's face.

Natsuki dug her hands into her pockets, her eyes narrowed at the floor. "Are you ok, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked her.

The young rebel chuckled to herself, "You're the one that fainted a little while ago, and now you're asking me if _I'm _ok?" She tried her best to keep her voice from wavering.

Shizuru bit her lip, as if she was holding something back, "You look ill." She replied quietly.

_You make me feel ill. _

"I'm not. Do you need anything?" Natsuki smoothly changed the conversation topic. "No. I'm fine."

Natsuki sunk down onto the chair beside the bed, she crossed her legs together as if she was sitting on the floor. "How are you feeling?" Natsuki asked. Her eyes were staring into space. Deep in thought.

"Fine."

Natsuki rolled her eyes, "Answer me honestly."

Shizuru looked surprised for a moment, but recovered from it gracefully "I feel a headache coming on and I am really thirsty."

Natsuki placed her cool fingers on Shizuru's forehead, her flesh was heating up. "You're burning up." Shizuru exhaled as Natsuki pulled her hand away from her, she didn't notice that she had been holding in her breath since Natsuki's cool fingers had been pressed against her burning flesh.

Natsuki walked over to the doorway, "Are you leaving?" Shizuru asked in a small voice. It was enough to make Natsuki wince, "No, I'm getting you some water. I'll be right back."

Walking out to the hallway, Natsuki leaned on the wall. Her whole body trembled, as she tried to steady herself against the wall.

Natsuki stared at her fingers, she could still feel the Shizuru's _hot_ flesh under her fingertips.

--

Natsuki hungrily watched Shizuru drink the water. Her eyes trailed all the way down from Shizuru's closed eyes to her smooth neck.

Shizuru placed the glass down onto the bedside cabinet. She didn't feel great, but definitely better than she felt 1 hour or so ago.

Natsuki smiled shyly, "Feeling better?"

"Yes. Thank you. Again." Replied Shizuru offering Natsuki a small grateful smile.

Natsuki sat down on one of the chairs beside the bed, shoving her shaking hands into her pockets. Her palms were sticky with perspiration. It was one of the many '_side effects' _of being around Shizuru. Her body would automatically produce more sweat than necessary, even when she wasn't heating up.

Shizuru calmly watched Natsuki fidget in her chair. An eyebrow quirked up, "Natsuki?"

Natsuki froze upon hearing her name, Shizuru giggled to herself. "Never mind." She didn't miss the confused look that passed Natsuki's face.

"Shizuru…"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember what happened before?"

A quick blush rose up on Shizuru's cheeks. "Only a little." Shizuru could vaguely remember rubbing her nose against Natsuki's neck in an attempt to stop herself from passing out.

Natsuki's fragrance was refreshing, it left Shizuru feeling lightheaded at the time.

"Oh. Right. Because, you know I thought you were half unconscious or something. You were acting really strange." Natsuki chuckled. Shizuru pouted, "I was feeling weak and vulnerable, the sight and smell of blood makes me delirious - Ikezu, are you laughing at me?"

"You can't blame me." Natsuki shrugged, grinning cheekily.

Natsuki leaned back in her seat and carved the image of Shizuru, playfully pouting, into her memory.  
This was going to be one of those moments that would remain etched into her memory for eternity.

--

Natsuki's muscles released the tight knot in her body and her jaw unclenched. She relaxed into the chair a little.

Shizuru's had fallen asleep a not long ago. But before she closed her eyes she asked Natsuki quietly, not to leave her. The darker haired teen nodded slowly, her mind shut down when Shizuru gave her an angelic smile.

Turning her head to the right, Natsuki watched Shizuru's peaceful face. She took in all the small details of her face. She felt a stab at her heart when she felt the urge to stroke Shizuru's skin.  
That wasn't allowed.  
That was off limits.

_Remember,  
I'm Just Natsuki._

--

The bells rang, and all of a sudden the nurse's office was crowd with students. Natsuki jumped out of her chair before she got squashed against the wall. Shizuru woke up with a start. The students all attacked her with questions of worry. As Reito and Haruka fought their way through crowd to the bed to their best friend, Natsuki struggled to get out of the crowd and into the hallway. She looked back into the nurse's office and caught Shizuru's strange gaze.

Shizuru had her eyes glued to Natsuki, there was an unfamiliar distant look in Natsuki's emerald eyes. Natsuki looked away before Shizuru could trying to figure what she was feeling. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she turned around and walked away with her shoulders slumped. Shizuru's eyes remained on the spot where she had last seen Natsuki before she turned her back on her.

"Shizuru?" Reito yelled over all the other voices.

"Shizuru?" Shizuru's mind was somewhere else, she had shut off all her senses.

Haruka grabbed Shizuru's shoulders and shook her vigorously. That snapped Shizuru out of her confused, hypnotic state.

"Shizuru!"

_Natsuki?_

--

Natsuki stood planted to spot in the school grounds. Students rushing to get out of the rain were surrounding her. She stood still with no umbrella shielding her from the cold rain, she looked out of place.

Her clothes were drenched, making her shiver. A warm hand wrapped around her hand. _Mai? _Natsuki turned her head to her right expecting Mai to be ready with a concerned looked. But shockingly, she was greeted with a warm smile. Natsuki almost did a double take. Over her head a large umbrella appeared. She turned her head to the other side and found Chie holding up the umbrella and grinning at her. Chie's other hand reached over to Natsuki's wet head and gave it a ruffle. Mai's hand gave Natsuki's a small squeeze, earning her attention. "We're so proud of you." She whispered.

Natsuki shot her a confused look, "What?"

"Come" Interrupted Chie quietly, "We're going back to my place. You two can dry yourselves while I make hot chocolate."

Mai nodded enthusiastically. Natsuki's eyes didn't leave Mai's.

_Have you already plunged in to my soul?  
And pulled out my deepest darkest secret? _

--

Natsuki pulled Chie's shirt over her head, perfect fit for her. Mai on the other hand was having difficultly doing the buttons up. In fear of ripping Chie's shirt, she decided to leave the buttons undone.

Natsuki too absorbed in her own thoughts didn't pay much attention to Mai's state of dress. "What do you know?" Natsuki asked, her voice cold and harsh. It took Mai by surprise, "Why? Do you not trust me?" She was obviously offended.

"No. It's not that. Just take a look at me Mai, I'm about to fall apart any minute. If anyone else finds out about it, how do you think I'll deal with it?" She sighed hopelessly and sat down at the edge of Chie's bed.

Mai sat down beside Natsuki, she leaned her head against Natsuki's stiff shoulders. "No one will find out. I was only able to figure it on my own because, I'm your best friend. It's my job to find out what is bothering you." Natsuki leaned her head on Mai's and smiled, "I was wondering how long it would take until you figure out who it was."

"Did I take too long?"

"No. Too fast. I thought I was doing a good job keeping it hidden from you."

"It all came together when I heard what you did for Shizuru-sama. It must have been really hard..."

"Huh... what do you mean 'It all came together'?"

"I put all the clues together. Would you like me to go through them?"

"Oh please. God no." A long silence filled the room.

Mai lifted her head up to face Natsuki's. "Are you going to be alright?"

Natsuki managed to force a shaky smile, "Yeah. Don't you worry yourself over me. I'll be over it soon."

_I can't save you, Natsuki.  
This is something you'll have to do on your own._

--

Natsuki came to a final decision. After many sleepless nights, she had plenty of time to finally come up with a solution to her torturous problem.

Her answer was simple. It required no expert.  
She just needed time. Time to heal her wounded heart.

Avoiding Shizuru wouldn't be too difficult. As long as she kept her distance, she would be _fine _- she convinced herself. And soon, with time... she would finally forget all those feeling she was harboring for the school council president.

Natsuki sat up on her bed and glanced at the time. It was 3.10am.  
She groaned to herself. Her head felt dizzy, her eyes stung and her throat felt dry.

Her breathing pace grew faster as each second passed. Her jaw tightened. Muscles in her body tensed. Each and every fiber within her body exploded into sudden angry flames.

Her finger nails furiously dug into her scalp, and tugged at the ends of her hair. With her teeth gritted together firmly she gripped her head tightly and growled. She forced her head down in between her knees and howled in pain.

_I curse the moment when I fell for you._

--

_Monday_

_Tuesday_

_Wednesday_

_Thursday_

_Friday_

_Saturday_

_Sunday_

_Monday_

_Tuesday _- The torturous days passed slowly. Stretching out her pain as much as it would go.

She wondered how long it would take until she'd finally give in.

It was much harder to avoid Shizuru when she knew Shizuru was trying to find her.

Shizuru would call out for Natsuki in the school corridors. _Natsuki would turn her back on her and ignore her.  
_Shizuru would try to find Natsuki after school. _Natsuki would find her bike and drive home before anyone could catch up with her._  
Shizuru would ask other students for Natsuki. _No one would know where Natsuki was._

Natsuki was always one step ahead, even when she wanted Shizuru to catch up with her.

_One day I'll learn to live,  
Without you always on my mind._

--

Natsuki watched the pencil roll over the desk. She didn't have the strength to pick it up. She leaned her forehead on the cool desk, trying to ignore that dull ache in her chest. She tried to replace that feeling with other pleasant feelings. But that was proving itself to be impossible.

The ache in her chest was far too painful to ignore or replace.

"Please, sensei could you excuse Natsuki from class. She is needed urgently."

Natsuki's ears perked up. She sat up so fast her head was spinning with dizziness. "Kuga, pack your stuff and follow Yukino."

She hesitantly stood up, dragging her things along with her to Yukino. Without exchanging any words, Natsuki followed Yukino's lead.

"Yukino-san? Am I in trouble?"

Yukino smiled at Natsuki, "I'm not sure, Natsuki."

Natsuki stood outside the door, her hand ready to tap on the door. Yukino nodded at her, "Good luck, Natsuki." Turning away, the small girl left Natsuki alone.

Natsuki tapped on the door, "Come in"

Shizuru sat behind the desk, in front of the desk was a single chair. Natsuki stared at the set up, a wave of nostalgia rushed through her. Shizuru gave Natsuki a blank stare, Natsuki was unable to read Shizuru's expression. "Sit".

Following her order she sat down. Shizuru stared at her for a full minute, "What's going on?" Natsuki asked. She fidgeted under Shizuru's crimson eyes.

"_You_ tell me what is going on. Where have you been?"

Natsuki glared at Shizuru, "As if you care." She snapped back. "You don't need me around anymore."

"That wasn't for you to decide. If I didn't need you, then I would have told you myself. And... I think we both know that isn't the real reason." Shizuru replied calmly.

"Oh, then what is the real reason?" Natsuki replied, her voice had a sarcastic edge to it.

"You're avoiding me. You haven't turned up for the last few days. You go home before I can catch up with you. It isn't that hard to notice."

"Have you ever considered that I didn't want to help you in the first place? I never, _willingly, _agreed to help you." Natsuki spat at Shizuru.

Shizuru folded her arms over the desk, her eyes inspected Natsuki. "I never forced it in on you."

"You made me feel like it was my duty!" Natsuki stood up from her chair and strode over to Shizuru, she placed her hands on the edge of the table and bent her body down till she was on the same level with Shizuru. "Don't tell me you didn't do that?" She growled at Shizuru.

"I'm sorry." Shizuru said, "You see, I had the impression that you wanted to help organize the carnival. Forgive me Natsuki, I was imagining things."

Natsuki's eyes softened, her throat turned dry. Her sudden mood swing was abrupt. It was harsh. It was mean. It was everything Natsuki wasn't.

Everything she had said, slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it. None of it was true. If only Shizuru had known why Natsuki always felt so angry and frustrated... maybe then she might've given the younger girl some breathing space.

"Shizuru..." Her voice was soft, and raspy. "I didn't mean that. I enjoyed helping you, it wasn't like that - I _wanted _to help out. Believe me. I was just a little frustrated. It's just that I never really did anything. I felt like you were just babysitting me. I'm sorry, Shizuru."

"I think... you should leave now." Shizuru's voice was quiet and had an icy edge to it.

Natsuki closed her eyes, she pressed a fist into her forehead trying to calm herself down. "What I said before... didn't mean anything. I only said it all because I was angry. Sorry."

"Go home, Natsuki."

Natsuki bent her head down, she resisted the urge to smash her fist through the table.

Shizuru watched Natsuki walk away. She felt angry, mixed with disappointment. Angry for having to put up with Natsuki's mood swing. Disappointed that Natsuki didn't put up a fight when she asked her to leave.

When Natsuki reached the hallway she broke into a sprint.

She felt like she was back to square one again.

--

Natsuki stood outside of the classroom. _Persistent_. Determined to make things right again.

Her head was bowed down with shame. She avoided meeting Shizuru's gaze when the latter left her classroom.

"You don't need to force yourself to join me. I'll be able to handle things on my own." Shizuru spoke, her voice was light and airy.

Natsuki quietly walked a step behind Shizuru. "I'm not leaving. Shizuru listen to me - I'm sorry."

Shizuru ignored Natsuki's third apology. She walked on ahead like nothing was said to her, Natsuki frowned.

Shizuru remained silent throughout the evening, whilst Natsuki paced up and down the classroom with nothing to do. She came to a sudden halt in front of Shizuru's desk. She pulled out a chair and sat in front of Shizuru. "What are you thinking about right now?"

Shizuru stared at Natsuki, "Nothing, it's impossible to think with you pacing up and down the classroom."

Natsuki threw back her head and laughed recklessly, she hadn't been expecting that for an answer. Shizuru watched Natsuki with interest, she felt her own lips curving up into a smile as she watched Natsuki laugh. It was impossible to stay angry in a situation like this.

All of a sudden Natsuki's laughter ceased, Shizuru was left smiling to herself as Natsuki's face changed back to her usual intense look. "Seriously. What are you thinking about now?"

"I'm thinking about a lot of things..."

Natsuki watched Shizuru's face closely, "Yes?" Her body slowly moved closer to Shizuru's as she leaned forward in anticipation.

"I'm trying to find out why you suddenly started to avoid me after the accident. I'm wondering if I did something wrong." Natsuki stopped breathing. "Well?"

Natsuki gulped, "It is nothing personal Shizuru. I just wasn't myself."

Shizuru smiled, "That's a terrible lie. You're going to have to do much better than that or... you'll just have to tell me the truth."

Natsuki leaned forward on the desk, her enticing green eyes drew Shizuru in closer. Shizuru found herself moving closer to Natsuki. She could smell Natsuki's clean, refreshing fragrance. It made her breathe deeper and more slowly. "To be honest..." Natsuki started, her voice had a rough feel to it. Shizuru leaned in closer, "When I decided to stop coming to our after school meetings, I knew that you weren't going to just let me go without a proper reason. So I thought I'd be better off avoiding you so you won't be able to corner me and drag me back into it all."

Shizuru watched Natsuki's facial expression closely, "It's quite intriguing how you're so perceptive of little details. You're right, I would have certainly dragged you back into this if it was possible." Shizuru smiled kindly. Natsuki sighed in relief. She managed to pass off that lie.

Natsuki began to rethink her actions, trying to keep some _sort_ of distance between herself and Shizuru proved that it was going to be quite difficult. Natsuki mulled over her thoughts in her head. Now it was Shizuru's turn to ask. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

Shizuru's smile dropped, "That's not fair. I answered you honestly when you asked me."

Natsuki grinned smugly, "It is fair because I never told you to answer me honestly when I asked you."

"Natsuki Kuga, you are unbelievable. That was so sly of you." Shizuru narrowed her eyes at Natsuki, a smile slowly working it's way across Shizuru's face. Shizuru's smile was beautiful... painfully beautiful. It felt like there was a twisting knife in Natsuki's stomach. A cold, blunt, rusty knife.

"Not really. I'm just a lot smarter than you." Shizuru laughed, her laughter was joyful. It made Natsuki's heart jump. She could feel butterflies in her stomach all over again. It replaced the feeling of the twisting knife in her stomach. Natsuki couldn't help but break out into a smile of her own. Shizuru's joyful laugh was a great healer.

A sharp sting sparked in her heart, situated right where Shizuru unknowingly left her imprint on Natsuki's fragile heart. Natsuki ignored the sting and smiled at Shizuru, her hands clenched tightly into fists and her nails dug deep into her palms.

_You are a scar on my heart,  
Reminding me,  
Of the pain I endure,  
The sleep I've lost,  
The feelings I keep buried away. _

_You are a scar on my heart,  
Because you just don't fade away._

* * *

_  
(Raises hand) Guilty. I suppose. As some of you have said/thought/guessed that it comes from personal experience and what I've seen around me.  
However, I've **only **put across some of those feelings that come from personal experience. Everything else such as storyline, plot and all are all made up. And I've tried my best to do it all in such a sense that it could happen to anyone._

_(1) That's Natsuki *sort* of talking. You've got to read in between the lines there. _

_Uhm. I didn't want to mention this till after the fic was completed - but has no one noticed the scene (in one of the earlier chapters) where Natsuki touches Shizuru's hair when Shizuru's asleep behind her desk? Does that not ring any bells? There's a similar scene to that in the anime, but it's the other way round. Yeah?_

_Gahh. You guys..! Thanks for all the kind reviews, that includes the reviews from the people with no FFnet accounts, you guys are really sweet.  
And once again thank you all SO much. You really don't know how much the reviews help with me when I'm writing! Last chapter received a massive load of wonderful reviews that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  
I'm so sorry for not replying to them.  
I know this chapter isn't as thrilling as the last chapter, but I hope that it was still enjoyable.  
This chapter is important in its own way. :) _

_I'll stop talking now, and leave you guys to ponder on your own thoughts. _

_...Semper Fi_

_Until next time... _


	8. The 8th stage: Breaking down

_I know there are times where you loose all hope and just want to give up. But have faith guys.  
"The best is yet to come!"_

_Thank you all for showing your support through all the reviews. Love you all. _

_--_

_Introducing Yuuki Nao. _

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki **

_I seek assurance from above_

--

You remember seeing her face for the very first time. You remember the pleasant feeling of warm tingles running down your spine right down to your fingertips. You remember clinging onto every single word she uttered. You remember smelling her sweet lavender fragrance for the very first time. You remember your heart feeling light every time you inhaled her sweet fragrance. You remember the feeling of brushing your hands accidently against hers. You remember how fast your heart raced in her presence. You remember how she touched your heart the moment she accidently bumped into your life. _You remember_.

You will never forget the feeling of your heart plunging into icy depths when she dismissed you like you were an insignificant individual. You will never forget those days of crying through the sleepless nights all alone with nothing to hold onto. You will never forget your short outbursts of unreasonable anger. You will never forget those nightmares that kept you up all night. You will never forget feeling suicidal after she coldly told you to leave her sight. You will never forget running for you life when things were too unbearable. You will never forget the amount of pain you endured ever since the day her life collided with yours. _You will never forget_.

Truth be told, Natsuki would never forget all the little of details of falling in love for the very for time.

_It will remain carved in her memory for the rest of her life_.

--

The bell rang, Aoi was the first one out of her classroom. She scanned the corridor for Chie. With no luck she couldn't spot her girlfriend.

"Aoi." The familiar voice called out, Aoi whirled around and found Chie standing in the middle of the hallway. The bespectacled girl rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. The hair on the back of her head stuck out at an odd angle -despite how cute it looked sometimes- it still irritated Aoi. No matter how many times she flattened out the hair, it'd go back to its original state.

Wordlessly Aoi walked up to Chie and leaned up on her toes, her arms automatically wrapped around Chie's neck. She kissed her slowly.

Chie wrapped her arms securely around Aoi's waist. One arm moved up Aoi's back until a hand was weaved into brown locks of hair.

She lost sight of her surroundings, Aoi was clouding her mind.

Their lips parted reluctantly. Chie brought her face down to Aoi and kissed the corner of her lips, "Miss me?" Chie smugly chuckled to herself.

"Hardly." Aoi scoffed as she reluctantly pulled herself away from Chie. She didn't want to let go.

She reached up to Chie's messy hair and flattened it out. "Tch" Aoi muttered, her efforts to fix Chie's hair were always a waste.

"You should keep a comb on you Chie, your hair needs to be tamed."

"No way, I'd never do that."

"Why not?"

"Because… then you won't have a reason to touch my hair. And you know how much I adore it when you touch my hair." Chie winked at Aoi.

Aoi blushed in return.

--

Natsuki stood outside the classroom, as usual her legs felt like jelly. As the classroom emptied out Natsuki scanned the crowd looking for a particular brunette. A knot twisted in her gut as she thought of reasons why Shizuru hadn't come out to meet her yet.

Meeting up with Shizuru was the highlight of her day.

No. That was an understatement. Meeting up with Shizuru was the reason why she was able to drag herself out of bed each and every day.

As Natsuki went over different ways of phrasing the same words in her mind Reito came up from behind her and smiled politely. His eyes radiated kindness, Natsuki immediately took a liking to him. She could sense why Shizuru liked Reito so much.

"Kuga-san?"

"Yes?"

"Hello, I don't believe we've ever met. I'm Reito."

"Oh, right. I'm Natsuki." Natsuki replied, she was unsure of what was going on.

"I believe you are waiting for Shizuru?"

"H-how did you know?"

Reito chuckled, his laugher was warm and buttery. "I've see you waiting outside our classroom everyday for Shizuru."

Natsuki's face fell, "Ah." Natsuki sheepishly scratched the back of her neck. She felt silly, "Yeah, I should have seen that coming." She mumbled. Reito watched Natsuki, he finally understood what Shizuru meant when she referred to Natsuki as an absent minded girl.

"Reito-san, do you know where Shizuru is today?"

"Ah, yes that's why I've come to meet you instead of Shizuru. Unfortunately Shizuru will not be attending school, she's terribly ill and will not be attending school until she has fully recovered."

Natsuki's heart dropped into her stomach. She suddenly felt the need to clutch her stomach, before she would fall apart. "I-is she going to be alright?"

"Oh yes, she's just got the flu. She'll be fine within a week or so." Natsuki calmed down as relief washed through her. "That's good. Thank you for informing me."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, thank you, for helping Shizuru the other day. I don't know what could have happened to her if you weren't there. You handled the situation really professionally. You should think about taking up a career in that field."

Natsuki half smiled, "Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"

Reito patted Natsuki's shoulder, "It's not a bad idea. Think about it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you now. It was a pleasure to finally meet you."

Natsuki smiled shyly before replying, "Yeah, same to you. Thanks for filling me in, Reito." Natsuki watched Reito wave and walk away in a hurry.

All of a sudden she felt overwhelmed with emptiness. The hole in her heart tore just a little more.

_How much more will I have to endure before I turn numb from the pain?_

--

Chie gawked at Natsuki. She had always thought Natsuki resembled a zombie, but until this moment she hadn't even known what a real life zombie could look like.

Natsuki sat up on her bed, her eyes narrowed at the intruder. When she caught Chie's worried gaze she got off her bed and grumbled to herself.

Chie's expression changed from worry to horror then to anger.

Natsuki's hair stuck out at odd angles, her lips were dry and crusty, her eyes were bloodshot, her skin looked paler than ever. Chie swore she could see a slight blue tinge to Natsuki's skin.

Natsuki growled at Chie, she was careful not to give her eye contact again. As Natsuki walked past Chie, the bespectacled girl grabbed her thin weak arms and yanked her back. Natsuki mumbled something under her breath, her voice sounded like sand paper.

"You look horrid, what the hell is wrong with you? You look like a corpse. If I ever catch you in this pathetic state again, I swear to god I'll just kill you myself!" Chie shook Natsuki's fragile body harshly.

Natsuki had to resist the urge to punch Chie, "Shut up! You don't know what it feels like."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE? Are you serious? Two summers ago, what happened to me Natsuki? Do you remember what I went through all on my own?"

Natsuki choose not to answer, she could remember the year Chie ran away from home to get away from her inner turmoil. She suffered all on her own, with no one to help her. Natsuki and Mai were new to it at the time, they didn't know how to offer Chie help when she was hurting.

"Don't you dare tell me I don't know what it feels like."

Natsuki hung her head in shame, she felt remorse. "I'm sorry, Chie."

Chie's eyes softened, her eyes were glassy. Tears ready to spill any moment. Bringing up the past always had the same effect on Chie.

"I'm here for you Natsuki. You don't have to do this all on your own." Natsuki nodded, her bottom lip trembling. Chie gripped Natsuki's shoulder, that was her way of showing her support. Unlike Mai she wasn't the hugging type.

Chie turned around and pushed Natsuki into her bathroom, she turned on the shower, "Have a shower. I'll be in your room waiting. Take your time."

She closed the door behind herself and walked to Natsuki's windows. She pulled the curtains apart and opened the windows. Cold air rushed into Natsuki's stuffy room.

Chie looked out of the window, she could hear cars and other motors driving up and down the street, she could also hear the water running in the shower coming from Natsuki's bathroom.

One particular noise caught her attention, amongst all the different sounds she could faintly hear choked sobs coming from the bathroom.

_It hurts to go from day to day.  
Always thinking of that one special love you'll never have._

--

"Pass me the vegetables, please" Mai asked Natsuki.

Natsuki shuffled around behind her, soon a plate of finely chopped vegetables appeared before her eyes. Mai smiled appreciatively, "Thanks. You've done a fine job of cutting them. Maybe one day you'll be my kitchen assistant when I become head chef!"

"In your dreams" Natsuki scoffed. Mai was pleased to hear some sort of emotion behind Natsuki's voice. Lately Natsuki appeared and sounded a lot like a zombie. She tried her best to take Natsuki's mind off her troubles - that was the main reason why she had Natsuki over at her apartment helping her cook dinner every evening.

"Aw, why not? It's better than working in an icky garage full of stinking, foul-mouthed, greasy men!"

"The guys at the garage are kind to me, leave them alone. Behind all the dirt and muck are nice men who know how to look after each other."

Mai giggled, "Sure, sure." She stirred the contents of the wok absent-mindedly.

"You know, Tate hasn't been able to stop talking about you for the past few days. What have you done to him?" Natsuki swiftly changed the conversation topic.

Mai's face lit up, "Really? What does he say about me?"

Natsuki raised an eyebrow, "I'll tell you everything you want to hear... but-"

Mai's face dropped, "What's the condition?"

"Free dinner including no helping out in the kitchen for the next few months?"

Mai groaned, "It's a deal."

Natsuki grinned, it had been a long time since she last had a decent meal.

Mai absorbed Natsuki's wide grin, it had been too long since she last saw her smile like that. She almost forgot how Natsuki's face looked when she grinned. She was close to forgetting how the corners of Natsuki's eyes would slightly wrinkle every time she grinned, giving her emerald eyes a warm, mysterious twinkle.

A comfortable silence filled the air, as Mai contemplated on her thoughts. She knew she would be shooting herself in the foot - but the topic had to be brought up. Natsuki would never talk to her about it unless she was in a good mood or if she was forced to talk.

"How are things with Shizuru-san?"

"The same." Mai heard Natsuki drop the knife down onto the chopping board and give out a deflated sigh.

"That's good to hear. At least, it has not gotten any worse."

Natsuki turned around to face Mai, her face twisted up into a confused look. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Always find the silver lining?"

_Because there is no such thing as 'the worst is yet to come'.  
_  
--

Natsuki gulped down a lungful of air. She thought she was dreaming. She thought her mind was playing cruel games with her.

But it was reality. For the first time in _days_, her life didn't feel so unpleasant.

She saw her standing by the open window. The cool breeze playing with her golden brown hair.

She didn't look like an angel. But she sure did look _close_ to one.

With one shaky breath in, she exhaled and marched forward to meet Shizuru.

_Welcome back._

--

"Did you miss me?" Shizuru teased as she walked with Natsuki to their classroom.

"Not really, first time in weeks that I was actually able to go home on time." Natsuki replied seriously.

"Ara, not even the slightest bit? You didn't feel you heart twitch just a little to see me standing there waiting for you?" Shizuru continued.

"Ah, yeah I felt something like that." Natsuki paused to catch the amused look in Shizuru's face, "I felt my heart _twitch_ in pain when I saw you. I was really dreading it, you know?"

Shizuru threw back her head and laughed, "Ikezu, you could at least pretend!"

Natsuki smiled and shrugged to herself. "What did you expect? I'm just Natsuki, after all." She said casually, unfortunately for her - Shizuru saw the sadness wash over her emerald eyes.

_My love for you will go nowhere,  
Will just remain with me.  
I'll hold it in my quiet arms,  
And feel it constantly._

--

Shizuru walked over to the board and stood beside Natsuki, she placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and leaned her chin on it. Natsuki's body stiffened up but she didn't move away. Both girls silently stared at the blackboard. It had everything written down on it, from their first brainstorm to their schedule of the day of the carnival. "Next week - Thursday, we go out and set things up for the carnival. It's going to be a hectic day, thankfully many people have volunteered to help us out. Be prepared Natsuki."

Natsuki nodded stiffly, "Yeah."

"It'll be a huge success Natsuki. Don't worry about anything."

Natsuki turned her head to her left, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I'm not worried."

Shizuru smiled warmly in return, "Natsuki..?"

"Yeah?"

"On the day of the carnival, when the band play their last song... Will you dance with me?"

Natsuki stopped breathing, her body froze. "S-sure, why not?" Her mind turned giddy with sheer joy at the idea of slow dancing in the moonlight with Shizuru.

"It'll be like our own personal goodbye. We won't see each other again. But, you'll stay in contact - won't you?"

_Why? Why do you pretend to care for me?_

Before she answered Shizuru, she already decided her honest answer.

"I will." Natsuki lied. Shizuru beamed at Natsuki.

_Farewell, Shizuru._

--

Shizuru and Natsuki leaned back in their seats, they had nothing to do anymore yet they continued to meet up every single day after school.

"You never told me..." Shizuru soft voice sliced through the silence.

"What?" Natsuki asked.

"You never told me why you did all those things to our school."

Natsuki froze, this wasn't the first time she had heard this question. Shizuru had in fact asked her a similar question a while ago, back then Natsuki was able to ignore the question. This time there was no escape.

Shizuru caught the panic cross Natsuki's features, "Why do you care?" Natsuki asked quietly.

"I want to know. Please, just tell me." Shizuru answered Natsuki, her eyes never left Natsuki's emerald ones. They stared at each other for a long time, deeply immersed in their own thoughts. Natsuki saw the pleading in Shizuru's ruby eyes. She couldn't deny her anymore.

"I wanted attention." Natsuki whispered to herself, she looked like she was deeply ashamed of herself. Natsuki's hands clenched, her emerald eyes glazed over with an unknown emotion. Shizuru felt only sympathy for the darker haired girl, she wanted to reach out to Natsuki. To hold her. To soothe her pain.

"But-" Shizuru quietly interrupted, a question formed at the tip of her tongue. Natsuki didn't seem like the attention-seeking type. Had she been wrong about Natsuki all this time? Was this girl Natsuki, completely opposite of what she thought she was?

"From only one person though." Natsuki looked away, before brunette could jump to any conclusions.

The question died in Shizuru's mouth. It all clicked into place then. Suddenly everything made sense to her. (1)

"Did you get what you wanted then?"

"Yes."

"Was it worth it?"

"You mean my punishment? Staying behind every single day, cleaning up? Yeah. Every little bit of it was worth it."

"What's her name?"

"What?" She cut in, her voice was sharp glass. "That's none of your business", Natsuki whipped her head to the side, a cold glare etched on her features.

Shizuru felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, "Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude."

Before she could even finish her sentence, Natsuki had already sprinted out of the room, slamming the door shut behind herself. (2)

--

There was a huge 10 foot invisible wall between the two girls. Natsuki refused to give Shizuru eye contact, she'd talk only when spoken to and kept it all very minimal.

Shizuru didn't let it get to her, was her curiosity really the blame for all of this or was there something else Natsuki was keeping from her?

Shizuru shook the thoughts out of her head, no matter how hard she tried to ignore the moody Natsuki - it wouldn't work.

The brunette scribbled down on her personal notepad furiously, the carnival was just around the corner and she did not need this right now.

Natsuki glared at the clock on the wall, time passed painfully slow when she was on bad terms with Shizuru. She considered patching things back up with Shizuru but decided against it. Keeping a distance from Shizuru was for the best.

Natsuki picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder, "I need to leave."

"Ok." Shizuru replied quietly, trying her best to ignore that nagging voice in her head telling her to talk to Natsuki.

"Bye." The door shut behind Natsuki. Shizuru was left staring at the empty space where she had last seen Natsuki standing.

--

Natsuki watched the small girl with red hair sit on the grass. She looked the same age as Natsuki, maybe a year or two younger.

She sat still, too still. Natsuki almost thought she was a statue. The small red head sat with her knees bent, hugging them close to her chest.

"Are you ok?" Natsuki asked the girl as she walked towards her bike.

"Yes, I am." The girl tilted her head up, her features were sharp and smooth. Her lime green eyes narrowed at Natsuki's motorbike, "Is that your bike?"

Natsuki patted her bike proudly, "Yeah. It was a gift from my boss."

"It's impressive."

"Thanks." Natsuki watched the girl curiously, "I'm Natsuki Kuga by the way."

"I've heard. I'm Nao." The small redhead pulled out a packet from her pockets. "Want one?"

Natsuki stared at the packet of cigarettes. "Aren't you too young for that stuff? It's going to kill you slowly."

"Yeah, so what? I've got _nothing_ to loose. Want one or not?" She took a short step towards Nao, and then another. Soon she was sitting right beside Nao with her legs drawn up and knees hugged to her chest.

_Nothing to loose?_

Natsuki thought about what Nao said, "Sure why not." She took one out of the packet and placed on in her mouth casually. Nao reached out with a lighter, she carefully lighted the cigarette. "Thanks" Natsuki muttered.

Shortly after that she was left coughing and spluttering on the floor. Nao smiled at the sight, "Don't worry. It'll pass soon."

Natsuki sat up, her bangs clinging onto to her forehead from the sweat. Nao giggled, "Feeling better?"

Natsuki gulped down her saliva, "A little."

"Go on then, take another puff."

Natsuki sighed mournfully, and took another puff in. This time it didn't feeling like her throat was a smoke chimney.

"Why are you here?" Natsuki asked, her voice had a rough texture.

"I don't want to go home... I don't have anything to go home to. Why are you here?"

"I had duties to carry out."

Natsuki repeated Nao's words in her head, "Nothing to go home to?"

"My mother doesn't live with me. She stays at a local hospital. Living on a _life machine_." She uttered those last words with a slight bitter edge.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Natsuki cast her eyes down to her knees. Finally she met someone who lived a much harder life.

Silently, Nao ruffled one of her hands through her red hair. "They're waiting for me to tell them to switch off the machine. They said she has a slight chance of surviving without the machine. If not, they think it will only end one life. _But they don't know! _They don't know that it'll actually be ending two lives."

Natsuki was at loss for words, she watched Nao's bottom lip tremble. The young redhead looked like she was about to cry.

Natsuki placed a hand on Nao's shoulder and gripped her gently, "If they say there's a chance then don't ignore it. There's still hope. Come, I'll give you a lift to your mother."

Shizuru stood by the boardroom windows, she watched the whole scene play out from afar.

--

For the first 16 years of Natsuki's life she lived an easy, simple life. Life wasn't bad. She only realized this a year later after her life had taken a sharp change of direction when she first laid her eyes upon the beautiful Shizuru Fujino.

Back then the group of strings holding Natsuki in place were thin, but sturdy enough to support her. After meeting Shizuru, the sturdy strings were not so sturdy anymore. As the torturous days passed slowly those strings started to tear away. Little by little, the group of strings reduced to only a small number of strings holding her in place.

Mai and Chie could see the strings rapidly ripping away, they did their best to mend the torn strings but their efforts were wasted.

They were too late. They had already lost Natsuki.

_My heart is crying silently,  
Deep down into the night,  
Because it has a hopeless dream,  
A dream it cannot fight._

* * *

_(1) Shizuru has not figured out Natsuki's feelings here. When it says everything clicked into place (or something like that) it means Shizuru's just understood Natsuki a little better, everything made better sense to her now. _

_(2) Natsuki's just acting there. She has to keep up an act - can't have Shizuru finding out about her feelings. That's why she snaps at Shizuru. _

_Their last conversation in the previous chapter could be seen as flirting. But, you have to keep in mind that their feelings for each other are NOT mutual. So I wouldn't really see it as flirting, more like friendly banter. _

_I know Shizuru appears really cold in some moments... you just have to keep in mind that this fic is biased. It's mostly in Natsuki's POV, and so everything that Shizuru does to Natsuki has a bigger impact on her than it would do on any other person. So when you think Shizuru is acting a little cold you have to remember that she has no intentions of hurting Natsuki, she doesn't realize her effect on Natsuki.  
Also, the title of this fic has been named "Go home, Natsuki" because that those few words pretty much wrap up the relationship Shizuru and Natsuki have. I'm not going to go into detail over that now, perhaps I'll explain why another time._

_Although I keep Shizuru's feelings ambiguous most of the time - I've kept some 'things' crystal clear.  
Keep your eyes on them._

_I'll leave you guys that note. _

_Until till next time..._


	9. The 9th stage: Resurfacing

_There are a few flashbacks. The asterisk - * - signals the start and end of a quick flashback. _

_If this fics doesn't end like you wanted it to do so, then please don't let it get to you. It's just fiction, written by a dysfunctional girl who has no control over her emotions. (For the record - This is not the last chapter.)_

_Tell me, if a sad fic ends on a good note does that not mean that it is not angst? Even if the ending is Shiznat-less?_

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki**

_You can only go so far down before you have to come back up again._

--

A pair of fists banged on Mai's front door when she was in the process of getting changed, her body was only fitted in a pair of jeans and a lilac bra. Her T-shirt was partially pulled over her head.

The knocking at her door was getting louder by the second. There was a sense of urgency in the way the unknown visitor knocked on her door.

"I'm coming!" Mai yelled as she stumbled out of her bedroom.

She swung her door open _not_ expecting the worst. She gasped out loud when she was greeted with a shocking sight.

Natsuki stood slumped over by her door frame with her head bent, her hair kept her face hidden from view. Her body was limp and slightly shaking.

It took Mai a second to realize that Natsuki was crying.

The blue haired girl lifted her head up to reveal her tear stained face and bloodshot eyes.

Mai swept forwards and pulled Natsuki fiercely into her arms before the latter could collapse.

Natsuki's face was crushed into her chest, the blue haired girl continued to weep. "Mai..." She wailed, she lifted her shaking arms to hold onto Mai. With no avail, her arms weakly dropped down to her sides.

They both slid down onto the floor, Mai was sitting awkwardly on the floor with her arms around Natsuki. She didn't care that she was twisting her knees, she didn't care that her legs felt like they were ripping, right now all she cared about was Natsuki.

She held onto Natsuki's form tenderly and whispered soothingly, "Shhh. It's ok, I'm here. Natsuki... What's wrong?"

The darker haired teen howled in pain.

_It's killing me slowly,  
Taking me apart,  
Little by little._

--

Shizuru switched off her lights and slipped into her bed.

She felt miserable, she needed to straighten things out with Natsuki.

Her mind was haunting her. She could recall the look on Natsuki's face when she asked her about the 'other' person.

The pure anger she saw in Natsuki's forest green eyes back then.

_It scared her._

--

The torturous scene played itself out over and over again in Natsuki's mind. She twisted and turned in the bed trying to get comfortable. But her efforts were in vain, it made no difference whatsoever.

_"What's her name?"_

Of course Shizuru had found out that it was a girl. Natsuki had been far too careless.

*

_Natsuki swept the floor. Her body felt empty and hollow._

_A piece of chalk rolled past her feet. She picked it up and twirled it in her hand. _

_Without giving it much thought, she walked up to the blackboard and started to write. _

_She silently wrote words she felt in her heart. Soon the words turned into short sentences. _

_Which in turn, shaped out to be a poem. _

'I look into her gorgeous eyes-  
I cannot resist her.  
My heart pounds loud and clear-  
I long to pull her near.

Her graceful body is so hypnotic,  
Her warm laugh is so delightful,  
She walks like it's a dance,  
She lulls me into a trance.

And yet again...

Those wanting thoughts come back to me,  
And I know it's never possible.  
I am only dreaming dreams,  
Knowing that they'll never be.'

_Natsuki turned away from the blackboard. Her face twisted up into a grim look._

_Shizuru stood by the door frame, she stared at the blackboard in awe._

_Natsuki panicked when she found Shizuru staring, a thousand thoughts rushed through her mind. _

_How long had she been standing there? Did she see Natsuki write the whole poem? Did she realize Natsuki's feelings for her? _

_Before Shizuru could utter a single word Natsuki dropped the chalk and had already escaped from her sight. (1)_

_Shizuru never brought up that incident again._

_*_

A muffled agonized groan escaped Natsuki's lips. Her situation just seemed to get worse day by day.

Shizuru was bound to discover Natsuki's feelings sooner or later. All the clues were there due to Natsuki's carelessness.

She forced her eyelids to close and curled her body into a tight ball under her bed covers.

_I've forgotten the taste of freedom._

--

"I only want you to be happy again."

"I was never happy in the first place, Mai."

"Okay you weren't, but you were never this..._ sad_."

Natsuki cast her eyes down to her free hand, "Are you going with Tate to the carnival."

Natsuki heard a faint groan coming from the other end of the line. "Would you cut that out, Natsuki? Just for once, talk to me properly."

_Talk? Will talking fill the massive void in my life?  
Tell me, will it save me from my misery?_

_No._

_I thought so._

"I have to go now, Mai. Bye."

The next thing Mai heard was the sound of a dead phone line. She blinked repeatedly at her mobile screen.

--

Shizuru held the clipboard in her hand. Natsuki stood behind her with a pen tucked behind her ears.

They stared out at the empty park in front of them.

Shizuru half turned around and looked up into Natsuki's eyes. She stared blankly at Natsuki.

Her ruby eyes didn't twinkle mischievously under Natsuki's - instead they were in a straight stare.

Natsuki gulped, "Alright." She checked her watch, "They'll all be here in 20 minutes or so."

Shizuru nodded slowly.

Natsuki took a step closer to Shizuru, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." Shizuru lied, she turned her back on Natsuki.

Natsuki felt something punch a hole through her heart. She felt her knees almost buckle.

Her shoulders slouched, and then at that precise moment she felt nothing but despair.

_It hurts.  
So much more than you know. _

--

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I snapped at you that day. I had no right to do so, and for that I am apologizing to you!" Natsuki said quickly, it took Shizuru a few moments to decipher what she had just said.

Shizuru turned around with a gleeful grin on her face. The next thing Natsuki saw was a fast blur and before she knew it Shizuru was hugging her. It took a few moments for Natsuki to recover from Shizuru's sudden display of joy.

She stood still for a little while, but soon her arms moved upon instinct and wrapped around Shizuru's slender frame. "So this means you forgive me?"

"I was never angry with Natsuki to begin with."

Natsuki's tense body relaxed, a small smile worked its way across her face.

Holding Shizuru like this felt _so right_.

It was warm, it was tender, it was soothing. It was everything Natsuki needed to mend her breaking heart.

_I run wildly, groping in the darkness,  
This pain... hot searing pain, it surges and stabs._

_Do you not hear my desperate cries?_

--

Through all the chaos Natsuki could distinctly see Shizuru's face in crowd. Shizuru looked tired and stressed out - just like how Natsuki felt. All her muscles ached and burned from carting heavy equipment from one end of the park to the other.

Natsuki watched Shizuru walk around inspecting everything. She found peace in just watching Shizuru's face.

Her eyes softened when their eyes met in a quick glance.

Shizuru hesitantly half waved at Natsuki. She waited anxiously for Natsuki's reaction.

The blue haired girl straightened up and strode towards Shizuru.

She stopped walking as soon as she was standing directly in front of Shizuru. Her face wore it's usual smoldering look, Shizuru felt involuntary shivers run up her spine.

"Hey, what can I do?" Natsuki asked.

"The magician is giving me trouble, could you politely ask him to not over charge us. Yukino says we're already running low on money."

"Yes, boss." Natsuki smirked. Shizuru smiled faintly, she felt relief. Everything was finally starting to work out.

The carnival was going to be a success. That was a fact and Shizuru knew it.

She could _feel_ it in her bones.

--

Amongst all the chaos in the park, Natsuki sat down in the middle of the park. She leaned back on her arms, and tilted her chin up towards the sky.

Her eyes focused on the floating clouds. Despite looking calm and collected, her insides squirmed uncomfortably.

In reality, she longed to follow Shizuru around. It felt impossible trying to part from Shizuru. She only just managed to rip herself away when Shizuru kindly told her that her help wasn't needed.

Her lips parted and a soft sigh escaped.

Meanwhile, across the park Shizuru nodded in approval and ticked her checklist. Her eyes shifted up and found Natsuki lying on the grass with her arms folded behind her head.

It was a strange sight. Natsuki looked like she was at peace sitting in the middle of a chaotic park.

She suddenly felt drawn towards her. Almost like something was reeling her in. It was an unexplainable feeling.

She shook off the strange feeling and walked away.

_Who am I in this world  
I never know  
the feeling so cold  
not knowing who I am  
or when I will discover myself  
an endless maze  
trying to get through to find myself  
who am I  
where do I belong?_

--

"Your boyfriend is here." Natsuki muttered under her breath.

Shizuru chuckled, "Hiroshi? That's my cousin. I don't think he'll appreciate being called my boyfriend."

Natsuki felt a sudden surge of warmth erupt from her body. "Cousin?"

"Yes, my cousin." Shizuru faced Natsuki, "Why, is that a problem?"

"No. Not at all." Natsuki replied quickly. Almost too quickly.

Shizuru raised a sleek, questioning eyebrow at Natsuki.

Natsuki choose to ignore it.

_Does it make a difference, though?_  
_Does it make things better?  
Does it ease your pain?_

_No, it doesn't. _

_--_

Shizuru and Natsuki watched the lights turn on.

It looked like the park had just been set on fire. Burning hot fire.

Both girls held their breath in unison - it truly was a breath taking sight.

Shizuru turned her head to her left, her face wore an amused expression. "You have terrible mood swings, you know."

Natsuki raised her eyebrows. _True. But_ _where the hell did that come from? _

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry you have had to experience them first-hand." _If only you knew._ "You'll only have to put up with them for only a little longer."

Shizuru's amused expression dropped immediately. She looked surprised?

Natsuki brushed off the strange look Shizuru just gave her.

_Stop it. _

_Stop it. _

_Don't forget. _

_I'm. Just. Natsuki._

_--_

Natsuki curled up inside her bed. Tears leaked out of her eyes.

This was it. Tomorrow would be the final goodbye. The end of her current _pathetic _life. And the start of her new life without Shizuru.

She felt her heart tug at the feeling of having to live a normal life without Shizuru.

It would be painful at first.

But then with time her heart will heal.

It felt like déjà vu when she tried to reassure herself that everything was going to be fine.

Her hands balled up into fists and her jaw clenched.

A low growl escaped her lips.

_I wish, with every single fiber within my body, that loving you wouldn't be so painful._

_--_

Natsuki walked around the park aimlessly, her head was in the clouds. She felt -oddly- careless. That was something she had not felt in a _long _time. Her raging heart was nicely sedated after Shizuru had smiled at her from across the park. Soon after that, Natsuki found herself floating around the park with a nice, pleasant feeling flowing through her veins.

Yes, Natsuki Kuga was in a daze.

A common side effect experienced after receiving one of Shizuru's dazzling smiles.

She felt the crazy urge to run up to Shizuru and pull her in to a tight, fierce hug. She chuckled at the thought and pushed the dangerous idea aside.

Above her, the sky took an enchanting shade of pink mixed with orange as the sun had begun to set. Natsuki cast her eyes up to the sky and watched the sun disappear from her sight.

_It's time. The carnival starts here_.

**--**

She appeared out of no where. Her body nicely fitted in a lovely peach sundress.

Her golden hair hung freely in loose, wavy locks. A small, simple flower was neatly tucked behind her ear.

She looked heavenly? Enchanting? Divine?

Stunning! Natsuki pin-pointed the most suited word to describe the Shizuru.  
_Simply stunning._

Shizuru appeared at the gates with both Reito and Hiroshi, both boys escorted her in.

Natsuki inspected her own attire and groaned. Her grey hoody was neatly tied around her waist whilst she wore a plain white shirt and simple black jeans.

She looked plain and dull. Maybe Mai should have been allowed to dress her up just this one time.

Before she could even imagine the possible out comes of Mai's make-over, an arm curled around hers and soon a warm body leaned on one side of her body.

_Speak of the devil..._

Mai grinned up at Natsuki and pulled her further into the park - now newly transformed into their carnival.

They walked under the glowing red lanterns and past all the mini stalls. "You did a fine job of organizing this event, Natsuki!"

"Thank you."

"So…"

"What?"

Mai scoffed, "Don't tell me you don't know where I going with this?"

"Ah, I was hoping you wouldn't."

"Hah, you wish. So, tell me how are things with Shizuru-san?"

"Same as usual."

"Expand on that."

"One minute we're talking, the next we're not. It's rocky..."

"Ne, Natsuki? Are you even making an effort?" Mai nudged Natsuki in her stomach.

"Not really. What's the point, when 'Just Natsuki' is all I am to her?"

"She said that to you?!" Mai was shocked.

"Not directly to me. It was someone else."

"Oh, Natsuki what happened?"

*

_"Hiroshi!" Shizuru hurried closer to him. The boy chuckled and saluted her, "Shizuru."_

_Natsuki felt a pang of jealousy._

_Shizuru stood a step away from the boy, they both stared intently into each others eyes, sharing a special moment. _

_Natsuki turned away from them and walked over to her bike._

_"It's been long." Natsuki heard the boy say as she walked away._

_"It certainly has, could you hold on a minute? Natsuki!"_

_Natsuki stopped walking towards her bike, she robotically turned around. Her face was twisted into a grimace._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Are you leaving?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Ok, well then good bye. Thank you for the help."_

_"Sure."_

_Natsuki cast her eyes down to the floor, she slumped her shoulders and walked away as if she had been defeated._

_"Who is that?" She heard a deep mellow voice ask._

_"Oh, that's just Natsuki. Tell me, did you bring your bicycle? It's been so long since I had a ride with you. I missed sitting on the seat while you worked so hard trying to pedal the bike." Shizuru laughed heartily with the boy._

*****

Mai smiled comfortingly, "Don't you get it Natsuki? She said it in a reassuring way! She couldn't have meant it in any other way. I'm one hundred percent sure that the boy knows all about her fan girls. Shizuru-san probably knew that at first glance he'd assumed that you were one of them."

Natsuki stared at Mai, all words dissolved on the tip of her tongue.

"Really now Natsuki. Why are you always doing this to yourself? Always so pessimistic. It's endless torture you're inflicting upon yourself!" Natsuki shrugged to herself.

She couldn't ignore the small flicker of hope that had sparked inside her body.

**--**

At the far end of the park stood a lone bench, situated right in the centre – overlooking the rest of the park. It was unoccupied until Natsuki had decided to take a step back and sit down.

She watched the people around her entertaining themselves. Her eyes darted from one face to another, she took in their joyful expressions.

Amongst the crowd of people she managed to spot her friends. Each and every single one of them were having tons of fun. She felt proud to see them all having fun in the carnival she helped organise, and happy to see them enjoying themselves.

To her left, she found Tate and Mai standing by one of the mini stalls. It looked like Tate had just won Mai a small, furry toy bear. Natsuki could see from such a distance the look of adoration he had for Mai in his eyes. He smiled and nervously wrapped one of his hands around one of Mai's.

Natsuki looked away immediately as Tate and Mai shared a special moment.

Chie and Aoi dancing in a crowd surround the band playing on the stage were next to catch her gaze. She watched her two friends dance slowly under the moonlight. Her eyes caught Chie's and the latter gave her a quick, playful wink before turning her attention back to Aoi.

Natsuki looked away immediately as Chie twirled Aoi in her arms.

"Amazing, is it not?" A soft, gentle voice _cut_ through her thoughts like a sharp razor.

Natsuki almost jumped out of her skin when she found Shizuru sitting right beside her. _How did she get there?_ She forced herself to stay calm.

"W-what is?"

"To know that we did all of this together. We can finally sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor." Shizuru smiled delightfully, Natsuki had to resist the abrupt urge to tilt Shizuru's chin up and kiss her passionately.

"Yeah, you're right. It is." Her words came out in an odd, strangled way.

"I wanted to thank you, Natsuki." Natsuki turned her head to face Shizuru, whilst Shizuru shifted a little in her seat to face Natsuki. "Thank you for all the hard work." Warmth radiated off Shizuru.

"It's been my pleasure." Natsuki replied smoothly in her mellow, husky voice. The corners of her lips curled up into a smile.

_Thank you for not giving up on me.  
Even when all hope was lost._

_--_

They walked through the carnival, side by side. When Natsuki offered Shizuru to join her on a short walk around the park, she had no idea what she was doing.

When they got up and strolled around Natsuki finally worked up enough courage to compliment on Shizuru's appearance.

"Y-you look really pretty tonight."

She thought she was dreaming when she saw the light blush spread across Shizuru's face.

"Thank you. You look very trendy and trim today. You should leave your hair tied up more often, it keeps the hair out of your eyes. This neat look suits Natsuki more." Shizuru replied, she looked like she was deep in thought.

Natsuki squinted her eyes at her, "Ugh. Thanks?"

Shizuru giggled, "I'm sorry, am I making Natsuki feel uncomfortable?"

"No, it's not you. I'm just not used to people complimenting my appearance."

"Why not? You're very attractive." She spoke nonchalantly, as if it didn't bother her to say such forward words. Natsuki, on the other hand, exploded into a full face blush. Shizuru caught the violent blush spreading over Natsuki's pink ears.

"Ara? I did it again. I'm sorry, I'll try to control my compliments." She giggled.

Natsuki dug her hands into her pockets and let out a long, low whistle.

_Attractive, huh?_

_--_

They parted on a light note when both girls were dragged away by their friends.

Natsuki was pulled into the photo booth with her friends, while Shizuru was offered a dance with Reito.

As they were both being pulled away in opposite directions, their eyes never left each other. Truth be told, Shizuru wanted to be with Natsuki for a little longer. Who knew if she would be able to see Natsuki again on this night?

As for Natsuki, she never wanted to leave Shizuru's sight. Especially on the night they would be seeing the last of each other.

Natsuki smiled at Shizuru and turned her back on her.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." Natsuki said to herself.

"Huh? What did you say?" Chie said as she steered Natsuki towards the photo booth.

"Nothing, I was just saying something to myself."

A small 'Oh' formed on Chie's lips.

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry for interrupting you two. I didn't realize who you were hanging out with. It's just that Mai sent me to check up on you and drag you back to her so she could keep an eye on you… It's not that she's spying on you she just wants to see if you're doing ok-"

"Enough with the blabbering, Chie. I understand" Interrupted Natsuki.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that, you know how I get when I- Whoops there I go again. I'll stop talking now." Chie chuckled to herself.

_--_

_House of mirrors_

Natsuki stared at the taunting words. It felt like they were mocking her.

She pushed her sweaty hands into her pockets and dropped her eyes down to the steps leading to the house or mirrors.

The same stupid thought rolling around in her mind. She knew she was digging herself a grave, but really what was the point of hiding away from her fears? She always thought herself as a coward. It was time she confronted her problems. And this was the best way to start.

She drew in a shaky breath and marched forwards.

From behind her, on the other side of the park Shizuru watched Natsuki's every move.

She shot Natsuki's retreating back an incredulous look. She felt sudden panic.

Her legs started to move on their own - she was jogging towards Natsuki. _Stop, Natsuki! _

Soon Natsuki entered the small room and disappeared from her sight. Shizuru picked up her pace and rushed towards Natsuki. She weaved her way in and out of all the bodies trying to get to her destination.

Not once did her eyes leave the house of mirrors. A small part of her wished Natsuki would just walk back out.

It felt like a whole decade had passed by the time she reached the stairs leading to the house of mirrors.

She ran in without much thought, "Natsuki?" She called out.

Soon her eyes caught Natsuki staring at her from all different directions.

Natsuki didn't look scared. Nor worried. Her face wore a calm expression.

Shizuru couldn't identify the real Natsuki, all she could see were reflections.

"Shizuru? What are you doing here?"

"I-I saw you come in here and I just panicked. Are you ok? What are you doing? You had me so worried. I didn't know what to expect when I came after you." She took a small step closer to one of Natsuki's reflections.

Natsuki's chuckle echoed throughout the small room. "Remember, I told you a while ago that I wouldn't let it affect me? Well, here I am."

Shizuru took another step forward, this time with one arm reaching out. "Where are you? All I can see are reflections." Truth be told, Shizuru was starting to feel claustrophobic. She swayed dangerously on her spot, Natsuki immediately recognized the look on Shizuru's face.

She swooped forward from behind Shizuru and wrapped her arms securely around Shizuru's body before she could collapse. "Shizuru!"

"Ara, there you are." Her elegant voice had a slight slur to its edges. Shizuru let her lungs fill up with Natsuki's warm, inviting scent. It always had the same calming effect on her.

"Come, I've had enough of this place. I've got what I wanted. Let's get out of here." She guided Shizuru towards the exit.

Her heart thumped crazily, with no rhythm. She ignored it and continued to escort Shizuru out.

_Everytime I close my eyes,  
I can see myself from a distance,__  
Falling, faster and faster._

_And I wonder, when will I hit rock bottom?_

_--_

Natsuki strolled around the park on her own, she'd somehow ended up on her own when everyone she knew were suddenly drawn to the stage where the band was playing.

She scowled at the band, she had no idea that they'd be playing sappy romantic songs all night long. She was expecting something a little more 'hardcore' when she selected the band out of the phone book.

Her lips twitched, she wanted to frown when she saw Shizuru dancing with Reito _again._

_Ugh._

She spun around on the spot and walked in the opposite direction, she was determined not to let the jealousy get to her.

As she walked away she heard a hoarse voice call out to her repeatedly.

"Natsuki! NATSUKI!" Chie yelled from behind. She ran at full speed trying to get to Natsuki but her fierce grip on Aoi's hand was slowing her down.

Natsuki whirled out with an inquiring gaze ready for Chie. "What's wrong, Chie? Are you alright?"

"She..." Chie let go of Aoi's hand and leaned down on her knees. "She kn-knows." Chie was clearly out of breath. "God damn it. He told her."

"Chie, what are you talking about?"

"Shizuru knows about your feelings for her. Her best friend -you know, the boy with the black hair- told her. I heard him saying it to her on the dance floor. I didn't hear what she said after that, I just made a run for it."

"What-exactly-did-he-say?" Natsuki found it difficult trying to speak when her airway was constricting.

"Something like 'How can you not notice that Kuga-san is head over heels in-love with you'. Why does it matter?"

Natsuki's eyes unfocused, she was too deep in thought to hear the last part of Chie's question.

"Listen to me- Hey, Natsuki! NATSUKI!" Chie's loud voice pulled her out of her reverie."Why does it matter?" Chie asked her.

"I-i-it matters because I can fix this. I'll just say that it's not true. Reito doesn't know me at all, so she probably won't believe what he has to say." Natsuki's voice sounded a lot like broken glass. She looked up at Chie with desperate eyes.

Chie put an arm over Natsuki's shoulder, "Natsuki. Breathe. You look like you're about to faint. Listen, you don't have to fix anything just keep out of her way. If you do bump into her then just act cool; she'll think twice about what Reito said to her. Ok?"

"O-o-o-okay." Her voice was broken up. She had a familiar, distant look in her eyes. In actual fact, Natsuki looked like she had just _lost it_. Without another word she turned around and walked away slowly.

Chie shot Aoi a worried look. This time it was Aoi's turn to reassure Chie.

She placed a warm hand on Chie's cheek and smiled. It was enough to make Chie relax into her touch.

_I wonder...  
What's going through your mind right now? (2)_

--

The look in Natsuki's eyes confirmed everything for her.

Her misty mind, hazy with unanswered questions cleared away in an instant.

All of a sudden, everything was crystal clear.

Shizuru felt a sudden gush of mixed feelings flow through her body.

Natsuki stood planted to the floor the moment their eyes met. And like always -despite the icy, cold exterior- there always a vulnerable aura surrounding her.

_Mysterious Natsuki...  
I know your secret. _

_--_

Natsuki gulped forcefully, she felt her adrenaline pump through her body. Her hands felt sticky with perspiration.

Her heart was beating erratically within her chest cavity, it thumped on her ribs so hard as it were threatening to jump right out of her chest.

Her vision turned blurry, suddenly everything was spinning in circles around her head.

Her airways began to constrict and her breathing became more and more shallow.

Shizuru stood 10 meters away from her, her face was difficult to read. Natsuki continued to panic as Shizuru started to approach her.

_She knows. Oh God. She knows. _

_Mai? _

_Chie? _

_Someone, help me. _

Her distress clouded her mind, she couldn't even think straight.

The performing band finished their song and a loud cheer erupted from the audience. Natsuki paid no attention to them, all her senses were cut off. All she could see was Shizuru.

She felt overwhelmed with nausea. She felt so nauseous, that she just wanted to whirl around and throw up until she felt she was no longer capable of throwing up.

Shizuru stopped walking any closer to her when she reached a 2 meter radius of Natsuki. Her expression was much easier to read now. Was it remorse? Guilt? Pity? Sadness? Her heart throbbed at the idea of Shizuru feeling guilt. She didn't deserve that, it wasn't her fault Natsuki fell in love with her.

"Thank you everyone! We'll be playing our last song for the night. I hope you enjoy it!" The lead singer's voice shattered all of Natsuki's thoughts.

*

_Shizuru smiled warmly, "Natsuki..?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"On the day of the carnival, when the band play their last song... Will you dance with me?"_

_*_

Shizuru wordlessly approached her and soothing music began to fill the air. Natsuki stared deep into Shizuru's ruby eyes. She felt 16 years old, all over again.

The former school council president moved one step closer to Natsuki, she wrapped her bare arms around Natsuki's neck. Her heart started to pick up its pace again. "Hold me, please." Shizuru whispered into Natsuki's ears. The warm air tickled Natsuki's ears. The blue haired girl lifted her arms up to wrap loosely around Shizuru's waist.

"It feels like you're about to disappear any moment." Shizuru uttered those very words carefully, there was a sad tone in her voice. She dipped her head down to rest on Natsuki's shoulder. Natsuki's hold on Shizuru body tightened instantly. Her body engulfed Shizuru's and together their bodies molded into one.

Both their racing heart beats matched each others rhythm.

Shizuru could now only smell Natsuki's clean, refreshing scent. Oddly enough, it calmed down her nerves.

"I'm sorry, this wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't meant to find out." Natsuki said quietly, her voice almost sounded strangled.

Shizuru closed her eyes and shifted her weight from one leg to another. "There's nothing to be sorry about. Why did you not tell me?" Her voice had a desperate plead to it.

Natsuki took in a sharp inhale, Shizuru's sweet fragrance tickled her nose senses. Her heavy heart, dense with sorrow suddenly felt light and airy. "Because I don't want, nor need your pity. Don't deny it Shizuru. How do you think I'd feel if I was constantly reminded of your guilt, every time I'd look into your eyes?"

"Who said what I felt for you was pity?"

"No one, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going through your mind right now. You feel sorry for me, like everything I have ever felt for you has been wasted." Natsuki said bitterly. "I don't blame you Shizuru. It's okay. It's not your fault I fell in love with you."

Natsuki noticed Shizuru shiver a little at the last 3 syllables she uttered. Not letting that get to her, she continued to get everything off her chest. "I didn't want my feelings for you to be a burden on you."

Shizuru looked up into Natsuki's eyes, her own welled up with thick tears. "I'm sorry Natsuki. Too many thoughts are going through my head... I can't think straight right now. I'm scared I might say something wrong."

Natsuki facial expression couldn't hide the sadness she felt, "Then don't say anything. Lets just share this last dance in silence and part before this gets any worse. I feel... I might die a little if I hear you express your rejection." Wet tears welled up in her emerald eyes.

Shizuru felt her words get caught in her throat. _No, no! That's not what..._

Even though Shizuru had not said anything hurtful, Natsuki felt her heart being ripped out of her chest and tossed away.

All the tiny threads holding her in place ripped away.

And, _oh! _The unbearable pain, it was indescribable.

Kuga Natsuki finally caved in. _It was time to let go_.

Natsuki released Shizuru from her tight embrace and pulled Shizuru's arms off her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this." _It's far more painful than I thought it would be_. Gazing deeply into Shizuru's eyes she took one step backward. Followed by another and another. She whispered the word 'Farewell' and turned her back on Shizuru for the last time. The last she saw of Shizuru was her beautiful face torn with anguish.

Behind her, Shizuru body remained paralyzed. She couldn't speak, let alone move. The last thing she saw was Natsuki's empty, soulless eyes staring back her.

_What is happening to me?_

Surrounding Shizuru, couples continued to dance along with the music, oblivious of everything that just happened.

_--_

Natsuki walked in circles around the carnival, her whole body felt heavy. It was a struggle trying to keep her body upright.

She was no longer capable of crying. She had run out of tears.

She didn't know what she was doing when she came to a sudden halt by the Ferris wheel. The man in charge of the Ferris wheel looked at her with curiosity, "You want a ride? It lasts 10 minutes."

She felt her world zone out when she brought back a certain memory.

_*_

_"I'm terrified of Ferris wheels, I get nauseous at the sight of blood, I have no siblings, I live with my father and I don't have a part time job."_

*

"Did you hear me?"

"Oh sorry I- No- Ye-ah actually I'd like that very much." Natsuki replied quietly. She knew very well that Shizuru wouldn't try to approach her now.

Without thinking she got into one of the passenger seats. She stretched her legs and waited for further instructions from the man.

"Wait!" A familiar voice called out before the man could ensure that Natsuki's safety was in place. Natsuki caught Shizuru walking towards her as fast as she could, her face was pale and looked distraught.

_Don't make this harder than it already is._

"Shizuru, what are you doing?" Natsuki's voice took on a warning tone. "Do you want to faint again?"

"I want Natsuki to hear me out. I don't care if I faint along the way."

"Sir, this young lady has a fear of heights. I highly advise you that you don't let her on." Natsuki said to the man in a calm tone.

The man shot Shizuru a sorry look, "I'm sorry lady I won't let you on if you have a fear of heights. The ride lasts 10 minutes and there won't be a chance for you to get off once it starts."

"I have no fear of heights sir. I can assure you now that I will not start up anything, please do let me on?" She cast the man a small, honest smile.

"Okay fine." Before he could even respond Shizuru had already sat down beside Natsuki in the passenger seats.

Natsuki paid no attention to the fact that the ride had already started, she was too busy glaring at Shizuru.

_Why are you doing this to me?_

Her glare disappeared the moment Shizuru's face took on a more panicked look.

Natsuki sat up straight and wrapped an arm around Shizuru's shoulder and shook her gently, "Shizuru! Are you going to be ok?"

Shizuru turned her head to face Natsuki's and blinked repeatedly. It took her a second to snap out of her reverie, "I'm fine." She managed to whisper.

Natsuki huffed and pulled her arm off Shizuru's shoulder. "This was a stupid idea. If you needed to talk to me, then you could have just asked for a word."

"But then Natsuki would have avoided me, and in the end I wouldn't have been able to get a word in." Natsuki scowled at Shizuru even though it was true what was said.

Shizuru took hold of Natsuki's hand and stared up into the sky. A long silent moment passed between the two of them before Shizuru broke the silence. "_Detached_. My father always described me as a girl who was disconnected from this world. At first I didn't understand what he meant when he'd say that to me. But then it all suddenly meant sense when I met you."

"I don't understand what your saying."

"Don't speak, just listen."

"Fine."

"Imagine me as a traveler, someone who could travel the world without care in the world. There'd be nothing in this world to hold me back. I could move from country to country without much hassle, I wouldn't care much about the people I'd leave behind. It sounds harsh, but that's the kind of person I am. Do not get me wrong, I care deeply for everyone I know - I store my love for them in my heart and I carry that around with me. So if I do need to leave, I'll carry that love with me everywhere and in effect I won't miss them. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"I could have travelled the world on my own – but, I had no intentions of travelling the world. Just keep in mind that I was capable of doing so. Now if you ask most people if they'd like to travel the world, they'd all answer yes. But then when it'd come to packing their bags and leaving time after time they wouldn't be able to do it, whereas I would. That's what made me different from most people. That's the reason why my father would tell me that I was so detached from this world."

"O-ok."

"But then that all changed when I met you. You were like the anchor in my life, you pulled me back into my place in this world. You made me feel feeling I've never felt before and that's where it all changed. Suddenly, I was a different person. Even Hiroshi said so, my cousin that I had not seen in so long told me that I had changed a great deal – but in a good way. I never cared much about other people's business before, I kept away from prying into their personal lives. Everyone respected that about me. But… with you… I always wanted to know more about you. You'd tell me a little about yourself and I'd still want more. I restricted myself, but I couldn't put an end to the insatiable need to learn more about you."

"Before I knew it, I had grown attached to you. I cared about you like no other. Do you remember that week when I was ill? I spent 5 days in bed, too tired to get up. I wasn't lonely at all, friends and family would always come by and visit me - I was happy on the outside but in reality there was something missing - a large part of me was craving for you. I tried to ignore the longing I felt for you because at the time I didn't understand why I felt so attracted to you. Even now, sometimes, I can't understand why I'm so drawn towards you."

A thousand emotions stirred at the base of Natsuki's heart. She leaned in towards Shizuru in anticipation, like an invisible magnetic force was pulling her in closer little by little.

"But then it all comes together when I think of that day when you saved me. You've saved me on so many occasions, even when you don't realize it. That's why I feel ever so safe around you, Natsuki. When I'm with you it feels like I'm at home. I feel comfortable… Look at me Natsuki. I'm sitting here on this Ferris wheel -my greatest fear- and I'm fine. Because… because I'm with you…" Shizuru trailed off. Natsuki's lips were lightly nudging against hers as she spoke. And then before she could make the next move, her lips were already captured by Natsuki's.

They held each other tightly as their lips moved in a synchronized pattern.

A warm sensation of comfort and security slipped over both girls - and that was when they both felt what they had been seeking for since the moment their lives wove together in a complicated pattern.

Staring deeply into each others eyes, they reluctantly pulled apart.

Natsuki's mind spun in ecstasy as she lost all awareness of her surroundings. All she could see was Shizuru, the rest was just a foggy haze surrounding the two of them.

She reached up for Shizuru's hair and brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

Her heart finally resurfaced after months of being drowned in icy cold water.

_My love for you is beyond any words._

_--_

Bright, multi-colored fireworks exploded in the sky one after another.

The air was crisp and smelt smoky.

They held each others hand, like it was the most natural thing to do.

There was a slight chill in the atmosphere, but there was nothing more warm than holding Shizuru's hand.

Natsuki turned her head to the right and watched Shizuru's face light up each time a firework exploded in the sky. _So... pretty. _She felt tingles run down her body, right down to her fingertips.

Shizuru turned her head towards Natsuki and grinned delightfully. She pointed at the sky and mouthed the word 'look'.

Palm to palm, they tilted their chins up towards the sky and watched the firework show peacefully.

_Shizuru, I'm home._

* * *

_(1) Shizuru just thinks Natsuki is good at writing poetry at this stage. She's not thinking too deep into this at the moment. She has no idea that Natsuki's thinking of one special person when she wrote the poem. Later on when Natsuki admits that she wanted attention from one person - that's when Shizuru puts the pieces together and figures out that the other person is a "she"._

_(2) This reflects what is going through everyone's head at that exact moment - Natsuki, Chie, Aoi and maybe even Shizuru.  
But they're all thinking of different people. Does that make sense? If not, I'll be more than glad to go into_ detail.

--

*Faints dramatically*

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. It should have cleared up a few questions, next chapter will tie up any other loose ends.

Once again, thank you everyone for showing your support. _Semper fi! G-A, UR MY NUMB4 ON3!!1 LOLOLOLzzzZ ;) Moving on from the silliness... _A special thank you to J-Crusader for the unique, illustrated review. A simple picture really does paint a thousand words.

Lastly, if anyone has any questions they want answered, please do not hesitate to ask.

Until next time... Take care!


	10. The 10th stage: Getting back up again

**_I'm back! _**_(…Finally. For those who hadn't noticed, I stopped reading/writing fanfics for some time.) Sorry, to all those who I have kept waiting. (It's been so long since I last updated, you might want to recap before reading this final chapter/epilogue/whatever.) _

_Wow. It's been an amazing ride. Thank you to all those readers for sticking around and supporting me from the start till the very end. I heart you guys. _

_This final chapter is dedicated to K: My very own Mai, Chie and Shizuru - all in one.  
I simply adore you. _

_Without any further ado, I present you the final chapter of "Go home, Natsuki"_

_Enjoy!_

_(Oops, before I forget. This chapter is 'slightly' p0rn-ish towards the end. If you're underage, close your eyes children.) _

* * *

**Go home, Natsuki**

_Love comes like sunshine after rain_

--

Natsuki held Shizuru's hand in her own and stared up into the sky in awe. She was now able to fully enjoy the 'other' side of love - There were birds singing, butterflies fluttering around her head and the sun was no longer hidden behind grey clouds in her sky; it was out and shining brightly down on her. Feeling slightly baffled, she grinned to herself. _Woah_.  
After months of forcing her self to believe that this sort of love didn't exist - she finally got her taste of it.

That gut wrenching experience of love Natsuki had endured not-so-long ago was something many people have had to live through.  
It was one-sided love. And painful it was.

But that was all history now. All those memories of excruciatingly painful nights she had spent trying to tape her broken heart back together, evaporated instantly.  
It was all history the minute she kissed Shizuru's lips.

_I'm in love..._

Natsuki felt Shizuru's hand squeeze her own gently.

All of a sudden the blood flowing in her body rushed to her head; she felt alert and pumped with adrenaline. She turned around to face Shizuru and managed to smile naturally.

Despite looking ill and tired, her smile could still make Shizuru's heart skip a beat or two. Shizuru couldn't help but return the smile with one of her own for the girl who swept her off her feet.

Shizuru had never found a moment in her life were she was 100 percent sure of what she wanted. But right now in this precise moment, she knew exactly what she wanted the second Natsuki smiled at her.

She smiled coyly, and voiced the whispers of her heart to Natsuki. The words slipped from her mouth without much thought; she was speaking in the language of her heart.

Natsuki wasn't able to catch the words over the sounds of the exploding fireworks. Her eyebrows creased in confusion and her eyes narrowed slightly at Shizuru's lips. She focused all her attention on Shizuru's lips.

"Huh?" She mumbled to herself as Shizuru mouthed the same words again.

She didn't notice Shizuru slowly moving closer to her. "I said, kiss me." She whispered against Natsuki's lips. Amongst all loud explosions in the sky at last Natsuki was able to hear Shizuru's voice.

A small smile tugged at her lips as Shizuru's soft lips nudged against her own. She cupped Shizuru's cheek and pressed her cold lips against Shizuru's warm lips.

Soon her cold lips weren't so cold anymore.

_Stay close to me,  
For I cannot survive without you._

--

They sat by the bonfire, huddled up together in a little bundle. A comfortable silence lingered in the air surrounding the two of them. Shizuru let her head rest on Natsuki's shoulder, as Natsuki stroked the lines on the palm of her hands. She watched Natsuki with interest as the latter played with her hands, "What are you thinking about?"

Natsuki drew in a long shaky lungful of air in. "You," she replied honestly.

Shizuru couldn't control the blush rising to her cheeks, it was an involuntary reaction to Natsuki's straight forward answer.

"Shizuru...?"

"Yes?"

"What now? I mean, what do we do now?" Natsuki asked quietly, it was obvious that she had been thinking over everything that just happened. It was all _too _good to be real. She sighed and shook her head to herself, "Shizuru - what do _you_ want now?"

"I... want _this_." She pulled Natsuki's hands to her heart and held it over her chest. "Forever."

To any other stranger it would not have made much sense what Shizuru had just gestured.

But to Natsuki, everything was _crystal clear_.

She stared hard into Shizuru's ruby eyes, her intense gaze sent shivers down Shizuru's spine.

But she didn't break eye contact.

_I will always treasure the view that fills your eyes._

--

Natsuki grinned roguishly at Mai. She really couldn't help it… Her joy was something she couldn't contain.

Mai stared at Natsuki's face in disbelief, standing a couple of feet away she could sense the warm aura radiating off Natsuki.

She had to resist the urge to jump on Natsuki and start crying. _Welcome back, old friend. _

"H-hey." Natsuki muttered, her face was burning red. She thanked God Shizuru had left her to go and say goodbye to her other friends before the carnival ended.

Mai silently wrapped her arms around Natsuki's torso and hugged her. She felt a sudden rush emotions wash over her.

"I-I've missed you" Mai mumbled into Natsuki's shirt. "What? I've only been away for an hour or two." Natsuki chuckled.

Mai giggled as she poked Natsuki on her shoulder, "You _know_ what I mean."

Natsuki nodded to herself and smiled sadly, "Ye-eah."

"You're going to be fine, now. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, I will. Don't worry about me anymore. I'm on the road to recovery now."

"Thank god." Natsuki felt Mai's tears soak the front of her shirt.

She could see her own vision turn blurry from tears, "Thank you Mai, for everything."

Mai clenched onto Natsuki's shirt even tighter, and cried in joy. "I don't deserve that." She stuttered.

"Yes you do. You deserve way more than just a 'Thank you'. I'll make it up to you. I swear..." Natsuki took a second to pause and gather up her thoughts. "...Knowing that you and Chie have always been there for me stopped me from falling. You guys were always just _there_."

_Like an infant,  
I take one step forward.  
And like a mother,  
You stand behind me.  
With your arms open wide,  
Waiting to catch me,  
If I fall._

_You've saved me from myself.  
Thank you._

--

Chie twirled Aoi in her arms and inhaled her scent. The sweet fragrance of wild berries took over all of her senses. (1)

She closed her eyes and pulled Aoi's body closer to her own; together their bodies swayed along in sync with each other. "I'm going to miss taking classes with you." Aoi mumbled into Chie's neck.

Chie grinned as she turned her head to the right to kiss Aoi's temple, "I'll only be a few blocks away on the other side of campus, trust me - you won't miss me much."

Aoi swatted Chie's shoulder and pouted, "You don't know that. If I said I'll miss you, then you should believe it!"

She laughed warmly and kissed Aoi once again on her forehead, "Ok ma'am I believe you. No more arguments."

"H-hey is that Natsuki and Shizuru?" Aoi pulled out of Chie's embrace and pointed a pair of girls walking hand in hand.

Chie watched Natsuki walking side by side with Shizuru. A secretive smile was etched on both their faces. What surprised her most was that they were both holding each others hands like it was the most normal thing to do. "Yeah, it is..." She said quietly to herself. It really had been long time since she last saw Natsuki genuinely happy.

A heavy burden was lifted off Chie's shoulders when she caught the pure look of joy on Natsuki's face.

And automatically a wide grin split across Chie's face.

_You've done it Natsuki..._  
_You've really done it!_

_Well done, my friend. _

--

Shizuru traced the dark shadows underneath Natsuki's eyes. She could see all those sleepless nights in Natsuki's sparkling emerald eyes.

"Did I do this to you?" She asked quietly, she felt remorse for unintentionally inflicting pain on Natsuki. She looked away in shame and stared down at the floor.

She always knew Natsuki was suffering in silence – anyone could guess that. All those hours she had spent with Natsuki trying to help her was a waste after all.

Since all along she was cause behind it all.

Natsuki jumped up, suddenly alarmed by Shizuru's change of mood. "No! Of course not. I did this to myself. I didn't know how to deal with everything that was happening to me. It was all alien to me…"

Shizuru nodded to herself, "But, was it not me who was behind all this grief?"

Natsuki frowned, "You had no idea. And whatever it was that was happening to me shouldn't have been of your concern. So it's not your fault! And don't you ever think that ever again."

Even though her voice came out in a stern, harsh whisper her face held a soft expression which could only be identified as caring. "Anyway, loosing a couple hours of sleep was hardly life threatening for me. I've been through so much more."

Shizuru's ruby eyes welled up with tears as Natsuki cupped her chin and kissed her lovingly.

"I love you." She confessed. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest as she waited for Natsuki's response.

"I love you more." Natsuki whispered in return onto Shizuru's lips.

Shizuru wasn't given the chance to argue back when Natsuki pulled her into a fierce embrace. She felt Natsuki's hands slide up her back, up past her neck and onto her ears.  
Suddenly, one of her senses was cut off. She couldn't hear the crackling bonfire nor the exploding fireworks. All she could hear was distinct muffled noises merged together; it felt like she was under water.

Inquiringly she stared up into Natsuki's glassy emerald eyes; soon she couldn't feel the warmth of Natsuki's body, as Natsuki pulled out of the tight hug.

Another one of her senses cut off.

They stood apart from each other, silently watching each others faces. Shizuru couldn't be more confused than she was right now.

And then, Natsuki moved in to kiss Shizuru's lips slowly with care.

With two of her senses cut off, the intensity of Natsuki's kiss multiplied.

She felt like she was being taken to heaven.

--

"I'll see you again, won't I?" Natsuki asked her shyly. She stared down at her feet as she waited for Shizuru's response.

"Of course." Shizuru's reply came out more quietly than anticipated.

Overcome with nervousness, they both stared down at the floor like two little shy schoolgirls.

"Take care, Natsuki." Shizuru slightly leaned up on her toes to kiss the surprised Natsuki on her cheeks.

She had already escaped from Natsuki's line of view by the time the latter had snapped out of her hypnotized daze. "Wha..." Natsuki paused to blink a few times. She groaned to herself as she caught the brunette glide out of the park amongst the loud chatting crowd of teenagers. She drew in a shaky breath of air, "Bye..."

Shizuru grinned to herself as she got into the mini cab with her friend. The look on Natsuki's face after she had kissed her on her cheeks was priceless.

At the very same time on impulse, they both placed their hands on their chests and felt their hearts hammering against their ribcage.

Shizuru blushed as she quickly pulled her hand away from her chest. She bit her bottom lip with her teeth as she stared out of the window in an attempt to hide her blushing face from her friend.

Natsuki grinned to herself as she slowly pushed her hands back into her pockets, she strolled through the park at a leisurely pace, taking her time to absorb _everything_.

_My heart is attached to your heart,  
My aorta is wrapped around yours.  
And every time your heart beats,  
So does mine._

* * *

Lonely, angry, sad, depressed, belongs to a broken home, has abusive parents or is an attention seeker.

_Shizuru could detect the problems behind all the tough delinquents after a single, brief encounter with them._

_But, she - Natsuki Kuga - was different. She sat in front of Shizuru's desk like she had nothing to hide. _

_She sat with her knees bent and her arms crossed across her chest. She did not look smug, nor unhappy. Her expression was extremely difficult to read._

_A small part of Shizuru knew - there and then, that this young girl could turn her world around._

_She didn't know how or why. She just knew. _

_'Something's are just beyond understanding. _  
_These things are better just left unexplained.'_

--

_Shizuru sat under the tree with a book in her hands, pretending to be concentrating on the short novel. _

_Her eyes scanned the same page over and over again. She wondered to herself, if the pair of eyes that had been watching her for the past 10 minutes had noticed that she hadn't turned the page once? She flicked page over and stared down at the writing. She needed to make this act look convincing. _

_She didn't feel the need to look up and check if that person was still watching her or not. She could feel those green eyes watching her... It was almost like a sixth sense. _

_What was weird, was that whenever Natsuki stared at her (like how she was doing right now) it would always make her feel... All hot and bothered?_

_She couldn't help but wonder why those emerald eyes in particular made her feel more aware and self-conscious? She thought had gotten the hang of people staring at her from all different angles..._

_Natsuki is different, Shizuru thinks to herself._

_She rises her head up and stares back at Natsuki. They stare each other for less than two seconds before Reito comes along and breaks their eye contact._

_He stares at Shizuru inquiringly and then the corners of his lips curl up, "What's going on?" _

_He knows very well what is going on. What Shizuru doesn't know, is that his question is a rhetorical one. _

--

_Shizuru can feel the bile rising up her throat when she looks down at her hands, all she can see is fresh blood covering her hands._

_The strong smell of copper swirls up through her nostrils; she has to choke down the bile or else she'll be throwing up in the middle of the school's hallway._

_Her head starts to feel light, and her vision starts to sway. She's going to topple over any second, and she knows it. There's screaming and shouting going on around her, but all of it sounds muffled to Shizuru. _

_It's almost like she's going to loose consciousness. _

_And then, suddenly cool fingers press against her face. Someone is cupping her cheek and tilting her head up. _

Almost there.

_Her hazy mind starts to clear away, everything sharpens back into _focus_. _

_She stares into clear forest green eyes; suddenly she's lost the ability to speak. Natsuki? _

_Now her forehead is pressed against Natsuki's - she can't believe this is happening. _

_She can tell Natsuki is trying her best to keep her from fainting. A sense of gratitude washes over Shizuru, she wishes she could thank Natsuki right now. But she can't, her words aren't coming out properly. Instead nonsense is slipping out from her mouth. _

_So much is happening, she can't grasp on to it all, and all of a sudden Natsuki's scent is wafting through her nose. It's a clean smell; like a breath of fresh air. She can't get enough of her scent. It's addictive. _

_She feels slightly intoxicated, she wonders if it's the nauseating blood that's doing this to her? Or Natsuki's scent? _

_Something tells her that it's Natsuki's scent that is making her feel drunk as she presses her nose against Natsuki's neck. _

_She grins lazily against Natsuki's neck when she feels Natsuki jump up and yelp when the tip of her nose brushes her skin. Her eyelids start to feel heavy when Natsuki speaks to her in a frantic tone. _"Shi-Shizuru? Shizuru don't faint on me now, we're almost there."

_Ah. Sleep seems to be overtaking her body and mind now. She wishes she could thank Natsuki before she doses off._

_Before her eyes shut, she buries her head further into Natsuki's neck and subtly kisses her there, under her ear. She smiles secretly to herself and drifts off asleep. _

_Thank you, Natsuki. _

--

_Shizuru doesn't stop once to attempt to try and figure out her thoughts and feelings. Instead she makes herself so busy, that she doesn't have time to even think_.

_She can't grasp onto everything that is happening to her. _

_All these strange thoughts, feelings and emotions?  
She blames it all on her hormones and that 'time of the month'. But she knows very well that it is more than just that._

_Something is happening to her. She's changing little by little.  
Is this what she had predicted? Is this how she thought Natsuki would turn her world around? No, it can't be?_

_Shizuru suddenly realizes that she's thinking too much again. She picks up her textbook and starts reading to keep her mind off Natsuki._

_Natsuki…  
Natsuki?  
Natsuki!  
What have you done to me?_

--

_Reito's words shatters Shizuru's mind like glass dropping from the sky. _"How can you not notice that Kuga-san is head over heels in-love with you?" _He lets go of Shizuru's body and takes a step away from her. He knows her well enough to be sure that she'll do the right thing once she's left alone, so he leaves without offering her any advice. _

_This is something she needs to deal with on her own. _

_As Reito leaves Shizuru's sight, her knees start to feel weak and unstable. If anyone touches her now she'll topple over._

_She turns around slowly. Thousands of questions have plagued her mind. She can't think straight. This is all too much to swallow down. _

_And then she finds herself face to face with Natsuki. _

_They're meters apart, but it feels like there's half a mile between the two of them. _

_The look in Natsuki's soft eyes makes Shizuru finally understand. Everything makes so much sense now._

_A dozen of memories flash past her eyes. _

Natsuki watching her sleep, Natsuki offering her umbrella, Natsuki giving her a lift home, Natsuki taking care of her, Natsuki suddenly avoiding her, Natsuki having random mood swings, Natsuki creating distance between the two of them, Natsuki confessing that she sought the attention of only one person…

_Oh! They clues Natsuki unintentionally left out were like huge signs hanging above her head. And yet, Shizuru was still blind to them all. She was far too wrapped up in her own world to have noticed something like this. _

_Shizuru feels her world slowly sharpen back into focus. _

_Natsuki stares back at Shizuru, her lean body is stiff and tense with worry. Shizuru can now see an imaginary neon sign hanging above Natsuki's head.  
The sign reads: 'I'm helplessly in love with you!' And every time Natsuki's heart beats the neon lights flicker. _

--

_Shizuru looses her train of thoughts the second Natsuki's lips nudge against her own. Natsuki's hands slide down her back and their lips brush against each others again. _

_This is her first kiss. This is their first kiss. _

_Shizuru knows that everything will be different from now on. She's glad she won't feel ever so lonely anymore._

_They pull apart from their first kiss and silently stare at each other. A shaky hand reaches up for Shizuru's fringe and brushes the hair away from Shizuru's eyes._

_It's a small gesture; easy to miss. Most people would not even notice it, let alone understand it. _

_Luckily, Shizuru understands Natsuki's secret message. _

_'I love you too', her heart whispers back. (2)_

* * *

Natsuki stared up at her ceiling. A small smile crept up on her lips. She felt good for a change.

It had been exactly 7 days and 6 hours since the day of the carnival.

She spent every moment (since the carnival) thinking of Shizuru. Similar to what she was during the last 2 years - the only difference now was that whenever she would think of Shizuru it wouldn't include any painful, gut wrenching side effects.

She let out a slow shuddering breath of air.

Despite being the happiest person on the earth, she felt oddly uncomfortable. To be honest, she didn't know what to do now. Call Shizuru? Ask her out on a date? What was the purpose of dating? Would a date be necessary now? Hadn't they expressed their feelings for each other? Was it time for them to move onto the next level? Would that be going to fast? Shouldn't their first step be something along the lines of spending more time with each other?

Uncertainty clouded Natsuki's mind. She suddenly realized how inexperienced (and uneducated) she was in this area.

There was only one thing she could do now at a time like this... Without thinking twice, she picked up her mobile phone and dialed a familiar number

"Hello?" A soft voice replied on the other side of the line. Natsuki gulped nervously.

"Hey, Mai… I need your help."

--

Natsuki stood outside Shizuru's home. They were just about to bid each other farewell.

"I-uh-had fun." Natsuki spoke sheepishly as she rubbed the back of her neck - not knowing what to do with her hands.

"So did I." Shizuru replied softly.

Their first date wasn't smooth like they hoped it would be. In the eyes of a stranger, their date would have been identified as 'Epic fail' or 'Lost case'. However, just being together was enough for the both of them.

*

_"It's just a night out at the movies with Shizuru. How wrong can it go?" Mai tried to calm down Natsuki. _

_Wheezing in and out of the paper bag Natsuki closed her eyes and imagined all sorts of hideous accidents that could happen. A few moments later she raised her head up and out of the paper bag, she stared up at Mai with quivering puppy dog eyes, "I can't do it Mai." _

_Mai sat down on the floor next to Natsuki, "Let's let's think this situation through. Imagine this: you are going to go watch a movie. You are just going with a friend."_

_Natsuki nodded slowly, the paper bag dropped out of her hands. "That's it?" She asked simply._

_"Yes, that's it. You are going to the movies with a friend" Mai sighed in relief and patted Natsuki's back. "Don't worry. You can do this."_

_*_

Natsuki took a small step closer to Shizuru and paused. She wanted to mentally punch herself for not getting any advice on the hardest part of the date.

Shizuru bravely took the lead. She stepped up to Natsuki and quickly (yet casually) kissed Natsuki on the lips. It last for a brief second. But it wasn't enough. She wanted more. Another kiss. This time she lingered on Natsuki's lips for a little longer.

And another kiss. And another. And another.

Until they were both merged in one long sweet kiss.

Natsuki's hands slid down from Shizuru's neck all the way down to her waist. Whilst doing this her hands innocently grazed the sides of Shizuru's breasts.

They both froze.

Natsuki clenched her eyes shut and waited for Shizuru to slap her away.

Shizuru on the other hand was marveling over the fact that it was Natsuki -the shy introverted school delinquent- who had just touched her _that_ way.

They slowly peeled off each other. Both girls blushing furiously.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to touch your- I mean I didn't to touch you _there_." Natsuki stammered.

Shizuru giggled under her breath, "Goodnight Natsuki." She turned away from the darker haired teen and walked back into her home.

"See you." Natsuki replied to Shizuru's retreating figure.

--

Natsuki climbed up the tree swiftly, she looked down at Shizuru and grinned from ear to ear. She stood on a thick sturdy branch with her arms above her head holding onto another thick branch. "You wanted to know what I do in my free time? Well, this is what I do... But only when my bike is broken."

Shizuru smiled up at Natsuki, and walked closer to the tree. Ever since the carnival she had been learning something new every single day. Her eyes drifted from Natsuki's grinning face to her body, and she wondered to herself if Natsuki was intentionally flexing her biceps. She couldn't ponder on that thought for too long after she heard the tree creak a little bit while Natsuki was adjusted her position on the branch.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Shizuru inquired, she couldn't help but worry. She had only just _got _Natsuki, she didn't want to loose her any time soon... After all she was just starting to enjoy life to its fullest extent with Natsuki by her side.

"Don't worry. Watch this." Natsuki pulled her body up from the branch using her arms and swung off the tree, she landed on her feet with a soft thud. "I'm like a cat - I always land on my feet!" She thumped her chest with pride. She staggered forwards toward Shizuru, "Want to have a go?"

Shizuru watched Natsuki regain her normal composure, "Doesn't your feet hurt from jumping like that?"

"Not really, I've gotten used to it now."

Shizuru raised her eyebrows, "You make it look easier than it should be, I don't think I can do something like that."

"That should be the last of your worries. Anyone can do it, it's fairly simple… Unless… You're scared of falling?"

"A little..." Natsuki stopped in front of Shizuru, "But, what if I told you that your safety is my number one priority?"

"Well, I trust Natsuki will not let me fall." Natsuki grinned, "Do you want to have a go then? We don't have to climb that high. One step at a time, yeah?"

Shizuru nodded, and followed Natsuki to one of the shorter trees in the park. Natsuki held onto one of the lower branches and launched herself up onto the tree like a stealthy cat. She dusted herself down before she held out her free hand to Shizuru, "Here, take my hand."

Shizuru secured a leg on the ground, the other on the tree trunk and clamped both her hands on Natsuki's free hand. Natsuki swiftly pulled Shizuru up onto the branch with her, "There you go. Not bad, huh?"

Shizuru smiled and nodded. She was surprised how easy it was to get up, Natsuki made it look like she was lighter than a feather.

"We'll go higher next time" Natsuki promised her as she weaved her free around Shizuru's waist and pulled their bodies close together.

The temperature dropped significantly, but Shizuru didn't feel much of the difference under Natsuki's arms. Instead she used the nippy weather as an excuse to get closer and cuddle with Natsuki.

"Hmmph." She hummed to herself in content.

They watched the park lights flicker on as the sun disappeared from their view. A chilly gust of wind blew past their bodies, Natsuki's arms instinctively tightened around Shizuru's waist. "Are you cold?" She breathed into Shizuru's ears.

"A little bit." Shizuru replied quietly.

"Then, would you like to go home? It's warmer inside."

"I'd like that, but only if you don't leave me at the front door again."

Natsuki smiled shyly, "What'll your dad say?"

"...He doesn't have to see you come in."

A husky laugh erupted from behind Shizuru, "I'm no James Bond. I'll get caught for sure." The tree branch creaked as Shizuru turned around in their embrace, she kissed Natsuki's jaw and whispered, "You're right - you're not James Bond. You are Natsuki Kuga, my under-cover knight in shining amour."

"But-" Natsuki's voice was cut off as Shizuru swiftly placed her index finger to Natsuki's lips. She gave Natsuki a playful 'I'm-not-finished' look.

"Tonight, you'll hold me to sleep."

Natsuki gulped, "O-okay."

--

Natsuki sat in front the desk with her arms folded behind her head, she grinned broadly at the woman sitting on the opposite side of the desk.

"So, you've got a steady job?"

"Yes, my boss said he'll be giving me a raise if I keep working for him." She smiled fondly as she spoke about her employer.

"What about your education?"

"I'll be studying Physics for another couple of years at University. I just got acceptance letters last week." She replied with an air of confidence.

"And you'll be living where?"

"With my friends, Mai and Chie, in a 3 bedroom apartment. Rent and food isn't going to be much hassle for me."

"Looks like you're more than ready, Natsuki-chan."

"I am." She sat up straight in her chair and smiled, the woman took notice of the gleam in her emerald eyes. "Thank you for looking after me for all those years. I'll miss you..."

The woman behind the desk felt her eyes well up with tears. She stared at Natsuki's matured face in disbelief; she could hardly believe this was the young toddler she had taken in many years ago. "You'll come back to visit us, won't you?"

Natsuki nodded, "Whenever I get any free time, I'll come by."

"You know you don't have to leave right away just because you have turned 18, you can stay here for a little longer - until you're entirely ready to go out into the real world."

"I'm more than ready." Natsuki stood up and dusted down her jeans. "Once again, thank you for providing for me. I'll see you again soon."

"Goodbye Natsuki."

She picked up her luggage and turned to walk out of the small office, "_Goodbye_".

--

Natsuki and Chie cycled down the deserted road with their arms stretched out in the open air. "Okay, fine you can do that. But can you do a wheelie?" Chie yelled at Natsuki as she weaved in and out around Natsuki with her bicycle.

Sometimes it feels good to just _let go _and mess around. And that was exactly what Chie and Natsuki were doing. They were "unwinding", in their own unique way.

Natsuki smirked at Chie as she sped up on her bike, "Watch... And learn." She smoothly tilted back on her bike and lifted the front wheel off the road, whilst doing this she steadily raised her left hand off the handle bars.

"Show off!" Chie chanted from behind her.

"What? You asked me if I could do a wheelie! I only showed you that I can do better."

"Sure, Miss Hot-shot."

"It's your turn now, can you do a bar spin?"

Chie raised her eyebrows, "I can't. Not with this bike. But I could do it with my other bike, you know."

Natsuki smirked at Chie, "All talk; no action. You do realize that you've used that 'Other bike' excuse twice already..." They both took one look at each other before they erupted in a loud hearty laughter.

"Whatever." Chie grinned sheepishly at Natsuki as she rubbed the back of her neck.

_That hot, searing pain...  
It doesn't hurt anymore, does it?_

--

They kissed each other like they hadn't seen each other in years, when in reality it had only been 2 days.

Before Natsuki could even greet Shizuru, she was pulled into a rough kiss at the entrance of Shizuru's dorm room.

Shizuru kissed Natsuki's lips like she was trying to kiss away Natsuki's painful past. Guilt consumed every single nerve within her spine, whenever she was reminded of the hurt Natsuki had experienced.

Natsuki had never verbally expressed her sorrow, but the look in her tired eyes was enough to inform any stranger of the heartbreak she had previously experienced.

Natsuki felt Shizuru's kisses turn more frantic as the seconds passed. She knew Shizuru well enough to know that she felt insecure or was panicking over something. The arms wrapped around her neck tightened, effectively bringing their bodies more close to each other. Something was definitely wrong.

She knew if this continued for any longer then she would soon be loosing herself in the heat of the moment. She had to put a stop to this or else she would soon be forgetting what was making Shizuru act so... Strange?

She pried her hands off Shizuru's body and smoothly pulled out of the heated kiss.

Shizuru's eyes peeled open, her sexy crimson eyes slowly coming into Natsuki's view. _Hi, there. _

Natsuki had to resist Shizuru's trembling lips. "I-is there something I wrong?"

A sleek, brown eyebrow rose. "Why would Natsuki think that something is wrong?"

"I don't know, it just feels like something is off here and you're trying to ignore it..."

Shizuru leaned up on her toes and kissed Natsuki _hard_. She pulled out of the deep kiss before Natsuki could loose consciousness from lack of oxygen. "Does that ease your worries?" She asked, smiling brightly.

"No. But it was very distracting, I almost forgot what it was that I was worrying over a second ago."

"You worry about _everything_." Shizuru hugged Natsuki's lean frame and inhaled a deep lungful of her clean scent. Every time she held Natsuki like this she was reminded of that day… And consequently she was reminded of the reason why she fell in love with Natsuki. _Oh it is a wonderful feeling_, Shizuru thought to herself.

"Everything? I worry about only _you_." Natsuki replied quietly.

Oh, but Shizuru is her _everything_...

--

Chie licked the outer shell of Aoi's earlobe playfully and consequently she was rewarded with a flimsy swat over her shoulder. "Ouch." She laughed, "What was that for?"

"Chie Harada, you know very well that I don't appreciate your 'puppy kisses' in public... People are constantly giving me weird looks when I'm with you."

"That's because they can't believe you're with me!" Chie grinned smugly from ear to ear.

Aoi rolled her eyes, "Well, they better get used to it because I'm sticking with you until the day I die." She replied, slightly irritated. Chie watched Aoi ruffle a hand through her long brown locks of hair - a gesture she always made whenever she got annoyed with something.

Chie cupped Aoi's chin and kissed her softly, "You don't know half the things you do to my heart when you say things like that." Aoi felt herself being gently pushed up against the tree. Chie's hands came to rest on the tree trunk; on both sides of her face. They kissed slowly, and soon forgot all about their surroundings. Right now, it was just the two of them kissing under a tree, with no one else around.

Their lips parted slowly, and both their eyelids opened simultaneously.

"That makes me wonder..." Aoi breathed out onto Chie's lips, "What happens to your heart when I tell you I love you more than life itself."

Chie smiled nervously, she dropped one of her hands down to Aoi's and pulled it up to her chest. She pushed both their hands against her pounding chest and smiled sheepishly.

Chie carefully watched Aoi's eyes turn cloudy with tears as a small 'Oh' formed on her lips.

--

Shizuru covered her mouth and laughed as she watched her roommate roll around on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Are you serious?" Rin asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Shizuru nodded as she tried to seize her giggling fit.

"That is so cute!" Rin squealed; Shizuru nodded again in agreement with her new friend.

All of a sudden something hit their window from outside, both girls jumped up in unison. They stared at each other in horror, not moving a single muscle.

Another small pebble was pelted at their window. Rin picked up a spare hanger and slowly approached the window, Shizuru followed behind her holding a long stick in her hands.

Rin feverishly pulled the curtains apart and stared down at the pavement looking for the culprit.

Shizuru stood behind her waiting for orders from Rin. She was surprised when she heard a short chuckle coming from her room mate.

The black haired teen turned around with a smirk plastered on her face, "Speak of the little devil... Your _Romeo_ is here."

Shizuru felt her heart flutter the second her heard the mention of her beloved. She rushed to the window without a second to spare and pulled the windows open wide.

"Natsuki!" She called out into the darkness.

"I'm here." Natsuki replied, her voice sounding huskier than ever. Shizuru felt electricity run down her body in excitement. "Are you busy?"

"No, not at all. Come in. Here, take my swipe card." Shizuru turned around to take her swipe card from Rin's outstretched hand, she carefully held out the card and dropped into Natsuki's hands.

"Thanks, I'll be up in a second."

Shizuru whirled around and stared at the state of her room, Rin caught the panicked expression on her face. "Don't worry, the room isn't in a bad state." The darker haired teen went over to her side of the room to grab her pillow and duvet.

Whilst on the other side of the room, Shizuru curiously watched Rin pick up her duvet and pillow, "What are you doing?"

"Giving you space." Rin winked at Shizuru, pleased to see a bright blush invade her pale cheeks.

"Oh, don't leave. I feel like I'm kicking you out of your own room."

"I insist on giving you two some space. Don't worry about me, I can go find refuge in Hitomi's room."

Shizuru hugged Rin, "Thank you!"

"Okay, I'm out of here. I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

"Sleep well."

Rin walked out of the room silently and closed the door quietly. As soon as the door was shut Shizuru rushed to her dressing table and grabbed a comb.

Before she could even give her hair a quick brush, Natsuki had already arrived at the door.

_Knock, knock._

A pleasant wave of warmth rushed through her body as she approached the door. Knowing that her sweetheart stood on the other side of the door made her yank the door open as fast as she could.

"Hey." Natsuki stood to the left, casually leaning her body on the door frame.

Shizuru didn't have to think twice about her actions when she pulled Natsuki in by her collar into the dorm room. She didn't even register the thought of the quick reversed roles when Natsuki gently pushed up against the door.

This unexpected visit oddly felt like it was part of her routine.

_Place your hand in mine,  
And stay here forever._

--

Natsuki stood behind Nao and stared at the grave in front of them.

It had been three days since Nao switched off the life machine that had been supporting her fragile mother. It had been 3 days since she last said a word.

_Grief had different effects on all people_.

Natsuki stepped up to Nao and placed her hand on Nao's shoulder.

She had always been there for Nao since the first moment they met.

She was there when Nao switched off the life machine. She was there when Nao held her mother's wrist hoping that the steady pulse would return. She was there when Nao turned away from her dead mother and tore down the hospital ward in an angry burst.

She was there, whether Nao liked it or not.

Nao half turned her head towards Natsuki and gave Natsuki a blank stare. Natsuki simply gave her new friend a look that read, _I'm here. _

A lone tear leaked out from Nao's lime green eyes. Her voice came out in a croaky whisper "I-I-I" She pressed her lips together tightly and furiously wiped away her tears.

She angrily took one step away from Natsuki. Followed by another. Soon she was jogging away from the grave yard. With each stride she took her speed increased. It was like the devil was on her tail.

She was sprinting through the woods when a loud, ragged sob escaped from her throat.

_It was time to let go._

--

Natsuki rolled over on Shizuru's bed and stared up at the ceiling. She had dozed off a couple of times; boredom had finally gotten to her.

Shizuru was sitting at her desk working hard on one of her coursework's. They both made a deal to spend the rest of the evening together after Shizuru had completed her coursework.

However, it wasn't agreed that Natsuki would wait in Shizuru's room until she was done with her coursework.

So it was a total surprise for Shizuru when Natsuki arrived at her dorm room 3 hours early.

*

_"Got nothing else to do." Natsuki stated with a sigh as she leaned down to kiss Shizuru on her lips briefly before pulling away and proceeding to walk into her room. _

_Shizuru shut the door absent mindedly wondering how on earth she would get her work done with Natsuki in the room distracting her. Natsuki kicked off her shoes and flopped down onto her bed. _

_As her girlfriend got comfortable on her bed it suddenly occurred to her that Natsuki could work as an encouragement. The faster she'd work the more time they'd be able spend together. _

_Smiling to herself she pushed herself off the back of the door and walked towards Natsuki. She crawled up onto the bed and let herself be taken into Natsuki's warm embrace. "If Natsuki behaves, I might finish my work early." All of a sudden she felt herself being scooped up into Natsuki's arms. She was being carried to her desk, "I promise I'll behave." Natsuki murmured in her heated ears as she was being put down into her chair. _

_Natsuki leaned down and kissed her slowly. "Concentrate on your work." She pulled away from Shizuru and flopped back onto the bed. _

_Shizuru swayed slightly on her chair, she blinked repeatedly to snap herself out of her daze. _

_Natsuki caught the look on Shizuru's face, she smirked "Sorry, I won't do that again."_

*

And that was how it started, Shizuru started to work on her coursework without wasting a second.

While Shizuru worked hard, Natsuki watched -no gawked- at her.

She couldn't help but gape at Shizuru.

She looked incredibly sexy in her square thick-rimmed glasses. Her reading glasses...

Natsuki liked them very much, though she hadn't admitted it to Shizuru yet.

"All done." Shizuru hummed joyfully as she stretched her back. She made a move to take off her glasses, but found herself stopped by Natsuki who had suddenly leaped off the bed and grabbed onto her hands. Natsuki pulled Shizuru up, off the chair. "Keep those on, just for now." She growled under her breath as she pulled Shizuru towards the bed.

They both fell back onto the bed.

Shizuru moaned in content, "Natsuki? Aren't we going out?"

"No, not until you've gotten some rest."

"But, you've been waiting all this time!"

"I can wait a little longer." She took hold of Shizuru's slender frame and pulled their bodies tightly together until Shizuru's back was firmly pressed against her front.

In the end, they didn't go out. And they were both perfectly happy with that.

--

Chie stared blankly at her lunch. Everyone else around her were chatting idly and eating their food.

"You're not eating your food?" Tate pointed out rather loudly.

Everyone turned around to stare at Chie. She smiled broadly, "I am, just waiting for my drink to be refilled. I'm parched." This was partly a lie – honestly, her throat was dry, but that wasn't the reason why she couldn't eat.

She couldn't eat because the school council president (also known as Shizuru Fujino, Natsuki's girlfriend the ex-school council president) was sitting next to her casually eating and chatting with everyone.

Yes, Chie was feeling nervous. After all, Shizuru was one who always caught Chie when she was up to mischief. She was the one that'd report her to the headmaster's office, she was the one who'd allocate punishments.

Aoi gave her a small kick under the table, "Cut it out,_ darling_." She stretched the last word out, making the endearing term sound venomous. Aoi knew Chie well enough to know that she was freaking out over just sitting next to Shizuru.

Chie forced the food down her throat, "So kai -ouch- Shizuru-san" Aoi stomped on Chie's foot before the tomboy could utter the word 'Kaichou'. Unfortunately for Chie, Aoi had been wearing stiletto heels.

Her face expressed her pain, Aoi gasped.

"Chie-kun? Are you ok?" Shizuru watched her face transform from a look of sheer pain to a forced smiling face. "Chie-kun? Are you ok?"

"I-I'm fine-"

Aoi suddenly stood up, pulling Chie up with her. She held a guilty look on her face, "Sorry Shizuru, could I borrow Chie for a short moment?"

Before Shizuru could reply Aoi yanked Chie with her towards the direction of the ladies room. Shizuru took notice of the slight limp in Chie's walk.

"Don't worry about them. They're weird like that." Natsuki leaned in from across the table and smiled reassuringly at Shizuru.

--

Shizuru stared at the professor blankly. She hadn't paid much attention to this lecture. Her mind was drifting from one thought to another... _Course work needs to be printed out, presentation handouts need to collected, Natsuki is probably sleeping right now, Interview with the law firm tomorrow, Natsuki hasn't come to visit me in days, the Curriculum Vitae needs to be updated for the interview tomorrow, Natsuki..._

Whatever it was she was thinking about, her mind would occasionally wander off back to Natsuki.

Ever since Natsuki had joined her life, her everyday life seemed so much more... More what? She couldn't quite find the word to describe it. She just knew she was content with life and everything it had to offer.

The image of Natsuki sitting by the lake with her trousers rolled up to her knees slipped into her mind in that precise moment. _Summer break was fun_... (3)

All of a sudden all the students surrounding Shizuru stood up one by one and left the lecture hall. It took Shizuru less than a second to snap out of her daydream, she then become aware of her surroundings. The lecture had finally come to an end and everyone was starting to make their leave.

Shizuru stood up and reached out to grab her books and notes, whilst doing this a few of her friends bid her goodbye and left. After gathering up her books and coat she made her way down the staircase to the bottom to reach the exit.

She noticed how keen everyone else was to get out of that dreadful lecture. She wasn't too surprised; the professor was known for dragging on for hours.

Upon reaching the doorway something caught her eyes. She did a double take when she found Natsuki casually standing outside in the corridor with her bike helmet in her hands.

Natsuki's emerald eyes were too busy scanning the crowd to notice a brunette sneak up to her and wrap her arms around her neck.

_What a pleasant surprise..._"What are you doing here?" Natsuki never failed to please Shizuru, her little surprise visits and adventures were what kept Shizuru on her toes.

"I wanted to see you." Natsuki mumbled as her lips sought Shizuru's skin. She placed a quick kiss on Shizuru's forehead and pulled away.

"Come, let's get out of here." Shizuru felt a rush of excitement shoot through her body as Natsuki took hold of her hand and pulled her through the large crowd.

Despite acting calm and relaxed, her heart was actually doing cartwheels as Natsuki guided her. She wondered to herself where Natsuki was going to take her this time.

_You can take me anywhere,  
As long as you're with me. _

--

Shizuru's soft moans filled up the small dorm room. One of her hands was tangled up in Natsuki's midnight blue hair, the other was by her side tightly gripping onto the white bed sheets.

Her eyes were locked onto forest green eyes as Natsuki tenderly pushed in and out of her body.

This wasn't her first time with Natsuki, but it did remind her of the night she lost her virginity to Natsuki. She could clearly remember the way Natsuki worshipped every inch of her body. She felt her heart well up with emotions when she brought back that certain memory.

She was immediately pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Natsuki scrape her teeth against her neck, close to her jugular vein. Her body shivered in pleasure and once again another soft moan escaped from her lips. Her toes curled and uncurled against the sheets as Natsuki continued to push in and out of her body.

Natsuki's heavy breathing grew more and more ragged while Shizuru's moans grew louder as each second passed.

Shizuru could sense Natsuki's body was acting out on its own, she could feel Natsuki's body turn just a little bit more aggressive with each thrust. Her own body reacted instinctively as she pushed herself further in towards Natsuki's touch. Her back arched over and her hips lifted off the bed each time Natsuki would push deep into her body.

They were both loosing each other in the heated moment. They struggled to keep their eyes on each other as each second passed.

Shizuru let go of her grip on the bed sheets and wrapped her free hand around Natsuki's shoulder.

And then the long awaited moment arrived. Shizuru's body stretched and writhed underneath Natsuki's, her eyes clamped shut and a few tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. "N-na-tsu-ki..."

Natsuki swept down kissed Shizuru's lips soundly. "Shizuru." She placed another wet kiss on Shizuru's cheek, at the same time she pulled herself out of Shizuru. Her fingers twitched instinctively, almost like they wanted to return back into Shizuru's warm body.

She smiled to herself as Shizuru moaned, still unable to form coherent words.

In the dark room, they both shifted their bodies to get into a comfortable position. Natsuki lay in the bed staring up at the ceiling with Shizuru draped across her bare body.

Shizuru let her body relax and laid her head down on Natsuki's chest. She listened carefully to her beating heart and smiled secretly.

_You can come and stay in my heart whenever, and forever.  
Because you, only you...  
Hold the keys to my heart._

--

As the sun had began to descend, orange-pink light filtered through all the windows of the new apartment. The bright pink light bounced off all the white walls of the apartment.

Shizuru and Natsuki had spent the whole day moving furniture into the apartment. The living room was the only room left untouched. The empty room had been left last since Natsuki made intentions to ignore this room till the rest of the place was sorted out. By the time she had finished with all the other rooms her whole body was aching all over.

That was when the cream carpet in her living room floor suddenly looked ever so inviting.

Shizuru was done inspecting her new shared apartment when she walked into the empty living room. A small smile crept up onto her lips when she found Natsuki stretched out on her back; perfectly happy to be there lying on the floor of their new living room.

Wordlessly, Shizuru approached Natsuki and joined her on the floor.

They both stared up at the ceiling, watching the color of it change as the sun slowly descended. Their fingers tangled up together in a loose embrace.

The apartment was absolutely silent; Shizuru had to strain her ears to listen to Natsuki's soft breathing.

"Shizuru..." Natsuki called out to her gently. "Hmm." Shizuru rolled onto her side, and gazed at Natsuki's silhouette. "Yes?"

"What kind of animal do you see me as?" Natsuki inquired, still staring up at the ceiling. Shizuru watched Natsuki's lips carefully as she spoke.

Shizuru's eyebrows creased in confusion, "I see Natsuki as Natsuki. Not some kind of animal."

"Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that. I mean if you tried to imagine me as an animal, what kind of animal would I be?" Shizuru bit down on her bottom lip and thought about Natsuki's strange question, "Mai and Chie..." Natsuki's voice broke Shizuru's train of thoughts, "always tell me that they think of me as a 'lone wolf'. I've never really thought about it much. But, I'd like to know what you think of me."

"Lone wolf..." Shizuru whispered to herself, it certainly did suit Natsuki very well. However, it did strike her that it would have only suited the 'old' Natsuki.

This Natsuki, lying here before her eyes, is so much more to her than just a 'lone wolf'.

"No, you're not a wolf to me. You're a... Swan."

Natsuki's eyebrows rose up in genuine surprise; her face took on an amused expression. "Me. A. Swan? Are you joking?"

"I am most certainly not making light of this situation."

Natsuki's amused expression wavered, "But... Swans are beautiful creatures. They're elegant and graceful." Her hand reached up to Shizuru's face and her fingers lightly grazed Shizuru soft skin. "That's not me, Shizuru. That's... You." She offered Shizuru a small smile.

Shizuru tugged her bottom lip with her teeth in an attempt to hide her smirk. She raised herself off the floor and leaned over on top of Natsuki. She took notice of how Natsuki gulped as she slowly straddled her hips. "Why... A... Swan?" Natsuki breathed out, she could now feel her heart hammering against her rib cage.

She stared up into Shizuru's crimson eyes waiting for an answer. Her tongue flicked out and licked her dry lips unconsciously as Shizuru began to descend down to her level with a small cheeky smile tugging at her lips.

"Doesn't Natsuki know?" Shizuru's tongue flicked out and gave her moist lips a small lick, "Swans... Mate for life."

--

_It was there. _

_Like a flower, it was blossoming in your heart.  
You couldn't see it, you could only feel it. _

_You were young and naive.  
You didn't know what was happening to you._

_You were helpless and blinded...In love. _

_Yes you, Shizuru Fujino, had innocently fallen in love with Natsuki Kuga before you knew it. _

**The End**

* * *

And so this is where it ends.  
I hope everyone enjoyed this last chapter.

After everything Natsuki went through, I think she deserved a happy ending. =]

--

_(1) Chie and Aoi are dancing without music here. (The band played their last song a while ago if you can recall.)  
__(2) I wanted give a little taste of what's going on in Shizuru's head during certain scenes. Umm, some of these scenes you may recognize - some you may not.  
__(3) I'm trying to show that Shizuru is paying NO attention to the lecture at all. (That explains the random thoughts and all.) _

_For the record, most of the writing in italics (small pieces of poetry) is written by me, on some occasions some of the lines are taken from famous poets. Like E.E.C - I don't claim to own those poems._

_For those who still don't understand why I titled this fiction as 'Go home, Natsuki' - It's because it can be interpreted in many ways.  
Natsuki's building relationship with Shizuru could be seen as her quest to find a home or return home. It also shows the other side of their relationship, where she feels like she is being constantly dismissed/coldly rejected by Shizuru (Go home, Natsuki).  
It was meant to be a reoccurring line, but I didn't use it enough. Meh._

_(Sorry for the long notes, I'm just trying to minimize any confusion.) By the way, **Kohei no Kimi**, I hope every thing is clear for you now. Most of these footnotes are just for you._ :3

* * *

I'd really, really appreciate it if you guys left a review. =]

**Reviews = Love**

Once again, to everyone (that includes anonymous reviewers! Wish I could reply to all your sweet comments) who have shown me support through reviewing my fic + adding it to fav/alert - Thank you!

A special thank you goes to **J-Crusader** - for the last 'review' you gave me, it was incredibly sweet of you. It helped me when I had a really bad case of writers block…  
And lastly, another special thank you goes to **Graceful Amethyst**– for being such an awesome/entertaining reviewer. I think I spent at least 20 minutes laughing over your last review, and then another 10 minutes wiping away the tears. Y000h sTIll da 1 dat r4wkz my b0aTZzzz G-A! Datz r1ghT1!!! w00t W00T.!1!!11  
(Waves a flag) **_*Semper fi*_** I hope you're happy with my ending. =]

Okay. So that's all, if any of you guys have questions (or just wanna talk) - please do not hesitate.

'Kay, I'm going to shut up now.

Well, until next time guys... Farewell!  
- Blue Lone Wolf


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